That's What He Said

Cody said:

I'm not averse to small talk, but I wouldn't start in with questions so generic I could be asking anybody in the room. I'd ask something pointed about the person I'm talking with. Names, group titles, clothing, etc make better ice breakers. If those don't work, I'd at least start with a little tasteful humor. 

Repost. Cody, Mar 3, 2011  http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-15#post-30491 

Pep said:  

You asked about A/S/L?

My answers are Over four/Yes, but not with you/Second Life. The conversation ends there.

Many conversations I have go like this:

THEM: hiME: 'loTHEM: ???

 And again, the conversation ends there.

How do I hit on a woman? I'll see if I can find the thread in the Jive forums to which I contributed a little, but was started and mainly features LearJeff's take on cynical seduction at Sweetheart's or similar places, where usually the women are looking for romance and the men for a partner that'll give them rights to their property so the guy has somewhere private his alts can take their other pickups.

 Usually I'll just stand around until a brave soul compliments me on my profile, at which point I'll ask them exactly what it was about my profile they enjoyed, which can either lead to embarrassment, tongue-tiedness or an insight into their motivation for approaching me. I'll already have checked out *their* profile of course, and have some apparently "ad lib" comment to throw in, usually related to:

1. You're a n00b aren't you; can I help you with your profile while we dance?

2. You're trying to hide from/get over someone, aren't you; want to tell me about it while we dance?

3. You're a pleasure alt, aren't you; do I already know you and if so do you want to give me clues while we dance?
and so on.

 I tend to intimidate because I type fast which allows me to use an unusual vocabulary without having to rely on preprepared scripts. If they can cope with that, a beautiful friendship generally blooms.

 Pep (99% of encounters don't get to that stage of nirvana.)

 PS And then after about three months of attempting to change my attitude they get upset at the honesty of my meanness - or should that be meanness of my honesty - and decide they don't want anything more to do with me.

Repost. Pep, Mar 4, 2011   http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-16#post-30543 


Pep's Parenthetical Postscripts

Storm said:

My batting average is not very high in this area. I enjoy company and conversation, however, I seem to only attract techie girls. I like to compliment the woman I am with. I'll list some of the compliments I have used in the past:

- I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.
- If I was an enzyme, I'd be helicase so I could unzip your genes.
- You overclock my processor.
- You have nicer legs than an Isosceles right triangle.
- You're so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. 
- You know.. it's not the length of the vector that counts ... it's how you apply the force
- You're so gneiss I'll never take you for granite.

With compliments like the ones I offer it is no wonder that I fall into a barrel of boobs and get up sucking my thumb. 

Repost.  Storm, Mar 4, 2011  http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-16#post-30557 

Dale said:

Not exactly a pick-up technique for me, since I'm just looking for interesting conversations and the occasional new friend, but I've had all sorts of interesting discussions start when I take someone's picture and inv them a copy. A tiny percentage of people are nervous at first ("uh oh, a stalker!") but when that happens I say that I do it to everyone, and that reassures them.  Most people are flattered, I think.

It's definitely much more effective in getting someone's interest if you comment on something in their profile (or on the emptiness of their profile if necessary!) or something they're wearing or whatever, rather than saying something generic.
I must hang out in classy places or something  because I hardly ever get to be amused by inept pickup lines. Back when I lived on PIER a newb boy did drop out of the sky and hang around my shack for awhile, and then claim that he didn't know how poseballs worked and could I show him with my bed. That was so amusingly blatant that I said Sure and set it on a "chatting" pose and told him now you sit on the blue ball...

And the instant we were both sitting he switched it to "doggie" or something. I immediately stood up and switched to my boy skin and shape; he was a bit nonplussed.  Weirdly, he said something like "show it to me", meaning my boy-parts, perhaps on the theory that since he'd been hitting on me I must not really be a boy, and therefore wouldn't have any boy parts to show. hahaha
He also came back a couple more times (when I was a girl again) and landed and said "dale sex please".

Boys are just funny...

Repost. Dale Innis, Mar 4, 2011 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-16#post-30564

Dale Innis's Weblog

Slippery Slope

I followed some more of Lum's breadcrumbs (he sees LeeHere too, well hell, so do other people) and found this blog post from June 25, 2007 called "What if they gave an orgy, and nobody came? The open scandals of sex in the undercity," that is as relevant to this thread and sex in Second Life as anything written in 2007 about sex or Second Life is, which is to say, extremely relevant. It's written by Lillie Yifu on her Raise the Red Lantern blog which purports to be about the intimate side of Second Sex. We have a First and Second Life, why not a First and Second Sex Life?

(I notice that not only do Lillie and I share some similar perspectives on men and sex in Second Life, but we also share a near complete lack of patience in waiting for everything to rez before taking and posting pictures. Bless her. She also has, however, a penchant for outting people on her blog that I do not share. So be fair warned. She uses condemnations, pics [RL & SL], names, titles, profiles and descriptions of acts. Her last blog post is from December of 2009, so it may be safe to go back into the Adult and Mature waters.)


Edit p.s.:

I see she has another, more current, sex-in-Second Life blog called 2nd Sex that has a posting as recent as December 6, 2010. So if you are chumming the fuck waters of Second Life, beware the watchful stripper in a thong with the flashing camera.

Lum said: ↑

I've talked to Lillie a few times over the years. She's a very smart woman who for whatever reason has chosen an SL career that puts her on the fast track towards meeting some very dumb men, and it's shaded her view towards men in SL. On the other hand, if you read the chat transcripts she puts up, it's not without some justification.

I'm probably gonna go off on a bit of a tangent from your post (and thank you for that), but...

I've noticed, from my own prolific sexual behavior in Second Life, that sliding down that slippery slope to a jaded and uncharitable view of the opposite sex, or I suppose I should say "targeted" sex in order to include all sexual possibilities and preferences, is an occupational (as in "activity in which a person is engaged," not necessarily "professional") hazard. I like to think I do a pretty good job of keeping my perspective and my appreciation of men in general (as a heterosexual female), but the reality is, you can't spend a lot of time engaged in one particular activity and not expect it to have an effect on your personal hard-wiring and that particular activity, casual sex, really skews the sensory input down to something specific and visceral and unfairly unflattering to the larger group being considered. It's just the nature of the beast. I've made a personal choice to actively keep a guarded eye on my own attitudes and not let it completely pervert my thinking, so to speak. All groups of people have assholes and saints and some who are neither but just have their moments.

Lillie and I are both calling people out on their behaviors in our own ways, and while I do hear what you are saying about some justification (hell, I think my own transcripts show some justification, and I did observe her blogging about more serious issues like Adult activities on Mature land as well as public ageplay), I'm not as comfortable with the idea of posting people's full avatar names and pictures and profiles with the behaviors and chat. That's why most of the chat transcripts I post contain scrubbed names like Guy 1 and Guy 2. When I post a pic, I usually either get permission or I scrub the name and identifiers beyond the physical appearance, unless the physical appearance itself is just too much of an identifier.

I have a sex alt. I like the freedom of movement and the anonymity and the ability to experiment and play. I appreciate and respect that for others too. Although, with the two examples I specifically mentioned in Lillie's blog, I can see the value in an "outting" activism, but she's catching regular Joe Wannafuckers in her net with screen prints and such and that makes me twitch.

On the other hand, it did occur to me that someone included in her blog might actually benefit from a reader hitting them up for some casual, meaningless, wannafuck sex. Yeah, I do actually think that way; it's not just how I'm drawn. 

And then every once in a while I meet a man who seems to make a good challenge to the perceptions I'm forming.

Lum said: ↑

She does raise an important point, though, that comes up frequently, and that in SL, there is a line between meaningless, wannafuck sex (which Lillie, as a sometime dancer/escort specializes in) and imposing your will on the unwilling.

While you may enjoy random sex with strangers on your sex alt (or your main for that matter, I won't judge you save behind your back!), I strongly suspect you would have standards. You would expect your prospective partner to meet some minimum standard for physical appearance, ability to complete a sentence, basic creativity, willingness to acknowledge you might have desires of your own, what have you. Whereas the Joe Wannafuckers she chronicles desire none of those things - they show up in 50L avatars even though they clearly have spent time in SL, hop on a poseball, and expect the most beautiful avatar in the room to service them (and I use that verb intentionally). They see sex in SL not as a mutual exercise but as computer-assisted masturbation, primarily because they do not see others within SL as real, but as constructs within a computer game.

That's step 1 of the jacktard scale - step 2 is when you get to mindfuckers who try to get as much RL information as possible, as quickly as possible, because it's the closest thing that delivers the emotional wallop of rape within a virtual environment. And that, too, is entirely too common.

Often people will shoot you an IM that simply says, "ASL." A quick Google search will tell you that they are asking for your Age, Sex and Location, and to be clear, your real-life age, sex and location, or as one contributor to the Urban Dictionary helpfully adds, "What stupid people say on chats to learn who you are and where you live so they can come to your house with a chainsaw and kill you."

Lillie Yifu makes references to "ASLFers." I don't know what that is, though it has a meme-like quality running through her blog a la Prok's "FIC," and reminds me of Pep's frequent comments about "EFLers," but I would hazard a guess that it might refer to someone who immediately asks for your Age, Sex, Location and Fantasy or Fetish. Any other guesses? Perhaps Lum and Orfeu actually know and will enlighten us.

When I'm in Second Life on my Lee account, the answer to ASL is quick, real and simple (it's already on my profile anyway): 43, female, Seattle. (Although I think I have just put that I am in my 40s on my profile so I don't have to update the damn thing every time I have another birthday.)

When I'm in Second Life on my sex account, I sometimes give that question just a little more thought and a lot less simple reality, as the answer could be any number of things, including, but not limited to:

a) None of your damn business.
b) If that is important to you, then we are probably not a good play-date match.
c) Whatever I want it to be, female and Fantasyland or perhaps a slight variation...
d) Over 21, female and right here in Second Life... and to entertain myself with a bit of slutty-sounding sarcasm veiled as a coy come on...
e) What do you want it to be, baby?

My observation is that most of the people who ask ASL expect a real First Life answer and that most people who answer it are giving fantasy Second Life answers. It's an interesting disconnect. (Note that I specifically said "most" and not "all" and that I am qualifying it as my personal observation.)

Sometimes I feel I am being incredibly honest and forthcoming when I reply, "over 21, female and right here in Second Life," as indeed, I am, and on more than one level, but the response I usually get is, "Ha, ha, ha."

colleen Criss said: ↑

I say that too as a rule because they are actually asking colleen Criss ASL , well shes 3 ...shes fem and shes from SL. Past that I have no info I wish to give them. If they don't like that answer *shrugs*

You go, girl. And thank you for adding the Second Life rez-date age. An excellent cover of my egregious omission.

1+
Female
Second Life

Repost. LeeHere Absent, Mar 3, 2011 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-13#post-30293  http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-13#post-30325  http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-14#post-30341  http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-14#post-30423