Sunday, September 18, 2011

Precise Advances

I'm always harping about good, clear communication and, in particular, effective use of the entire sex sales cycle.  It might serve Dominique Strauss-Kahn well in the future. This latest BBC News article says he has described his interaction with the New York hotel maid, Nafissatou Diallo, as "inappropriate" and "imprecise."
"An official close to the inquiry told Agence France-Presse that Mr Strauss-Kahn had denied attempted rape and assault but 'conceded that he had made advances to her, without being very precise about the nature of these advances'."
I say avoid the rape charges and forcing yourself on someone, but commit to your intentions and the communication of them.   It's you, a woman and a hotel room with a bed, it shouldn't be that difficult to express yourself without a major misunderstanding.  Although you might want to consider soliciting someone other than a woman who is paid to be in your hotel room for something other than sex.  We've got some pretty well-tested sexual harassment laws here in the U.S.  I'm tellin' ya, that's why the sourcing, probing and listening parts of the sex sales cycle should not be overlooked or rushed.  Warm leads on the same page.  Soooo much better for both parties.

And ladies, men forcing themselves on you is a crime.  Asking shouldn't be.

The word "sales" here is not meant to imply a monetary transaction, but rather, getting across and getting what you want in a consensual manner.
Asking once is communication.  Asking repetitively to the point of harassment, well, now it's a crime.  It's an important difference.


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Adult SubForum Idea for Second Life Forum (SLF)

Venus has been telling me about an idea that was floated to the Lindens about creating an Adult subforum on the official Second Life forum.  The end result, it appears, was for content creators, merchants and adult land owners only.

Venus Petrov said...
"Shortly after this Lithium forum was rolled out, a number of us advocated to have a place where adult discussions on sex in SL might be safe for discussion. The topic was touched on in at least three CTUG (Community Tools User Group meetings). Somewhere along the line the request got morphed in the implementation of the solution and what we ended up with was a 'by invitation only' forum for content creators of adult products in SL and owners of adult land. If one did not fit into either category, you were SOL. My short answer to your question above is 'It depends.' It depends on the question(s). Other than mechanics of and places to go, perhaps, most will probably focus on situational issues. I would like that these could still be raised in the Lifestyles subforum. And, some are."
"Actually, what you describe is what I had hoped could happen on the Adult forum we first advocated. There is a considerable economy in SL creating, marketing, selling, and supporting adult 'goods'. It does not seem logical to create a forum where only purveyors of adult-related items can share information. What about the consumer?!"
"That was the end of it at the time. LL had no way of being able to automatically add verified adults to the Adult forum. It required individuals who fell under at least one of the two categories I referenced earlier to ask Blondin to be added and he did so manually. Now that he is gone I do not know who manages that forum."



Dresden Ceriano said...
"If I remember correctly, the last time an adult sub-forum was discussed, it was in conjunction with the creation of a GLBT forum. It was decided that there would be no adult forum but there would be a GLBT forum, except only for adults. It was quickly pointed out that, not only was there no reason a GLBT sub-forum should have to be adult, but that having an adult forum for the GLBT community and not having one for everyone else just didn't seem right. So what we got instead was the "Identity and Relationships" forum that was open to all (which I later forced suggested Amanda change to "Lifestyles and Relationships", which is what have now). The adult forum idea was never brought up again, as far as I know. Perhaps, since some of the names have changed now, it might be time to, once again, bring it up. I mean, why not?... the worst they could do is say no again. ...Dres ETA: I forgot to mention the best part... no one ever even asked for the creation of a GLBT sub-forum. Sometime, during the discussion about creating an adult sub-forum, some misguided person suggested GLBT issues as a reason for creating one. Amanda took that as if we needed a GLBT forum and ran with it. So we ended up getting what we didn't ask for and not getting what we did... go figure."

Where do YOU think the best place to talk about sex in Second Life is and why?

I asked this question on the official Second Life Forum (SLF), SLUniverse (SLU) and gotVirtual (gV) this week and probably about a year or more ago on RLetc.

This is the question in more detail.

"Where are the best places (blogs, forums, websites, sims, etc.) to talk about sex in Second Life among adults with a frank and open discussion and information that is updated and kept current? Topics might include prim genitalia, etiquette, how-to for newbies, fetishes, paraphilias, NSFW & XXX content, sex sims, sex products, etc. And why? (Why is that the best place?) The question came up in the "Finding Current Info on SL Sex" thread on SLF and I thought it might be interesting to get comments and referrals and maybe collect them into a helpful resource list. Thank you in advance and apologies for dupes."

I say it came up in that thread, and it did, but the truth is, I've been looking for a forum in which to have conversations with topics like the ones in this blog for about two years.  It has turned out to be a slightly more complex question that I had first thought it would be.

Anyway, here are some of the answers I received.

I'll start with the helpful, direct link type answers.

  1. SLUniverse (SLU).  Multiple votes for this forum, some qualified.  There are restrictions on content and many people have complained about judgmental or joking responses, but you do have the advantage of a large group of tenured and knowledgeable Second Life residents who can answer many product and tech questions.
  2. The "Let's Make Sexy Time!" Social Group on SLUniverse.  Eighty-seven threads, current content, some sex and a lot of humor and poking and joking around.
  3. The "BDSM Interest group" Social Group on SLUniverse.  Three hundred seventy-four threads, current content, a lot of sex and helpful discussions about Second Life sex products and places.  More straight answers and acceptance and less joking and poking in this Social Group.  I would feel comfortable recommending this Social Group to people wanting a venue for discussing sex in Second Life.
  4. gotVirtual (gv).  Multiple qualified votes for this forum.
  5. The official Second Life forum (SLF).  Multiple votes with qualifiers.  This is the company's product forum, it includes teens and it is PG.  You can't use vulgar language like "fuck" and you cannot post nude or lewd pics.  You do have the advantage of a large group of tenured and knowledgeable Second Life residents who can answer many product and tech questions.  My observation has been that a person asking questions on SLF is likely to get inworld IMs offering help too.
  6. BDSM forum inworld sim.  Multiple votes for this place.
  7. Xcite!  Xcite! is a Second Life product site.  Good information specific to their product line.
  8. Between two consenting adults.  Multiple votes.
  9. A couple of people said they did not want to share what they had managed to learn on their own the hard way.
  10. This blog right here.

It was in the "BDSM Interest group" Social Group that I found this helpful stickied thread about the rules on SLU regarding adult content.

Cristiano said on SLU...
"A reminder about NSFW images and thread titles"
"If the image contains nudity or is otherwise sexually explicit, it must not be posted inline with IMG tags or attached to the post. You must link to the image. Courtesy would also be to warn that the image is NSFW. If you are uncertain if an image is NSFW, err on the side of caution and assume it is."
"Please also be conscious of the content of your thread titles. While users do have the ability to ignore forums, and the group forums are viewable only by registered users, there is no ability to filter out forums on iSpy and the titles do appear some other places as well. Thank you for your cooperation with this policy. I try to provide as open of an environment as possible and I have nothing against the images or topics personally, but I do have the needs of the entire forum community, advertisers, and the policies of my ISP to keep in mind."
Nimue Jewell said on SLU...
"Keep in mind, even though the topics are adult in those subforums, you are not allowed to post naked SL or RL pictures."

I nabbed a couple of the more in-depth comments.

Ishtara Rothschild said on SFL...
"Actually, I think that is forum is a great place to talk about sex. It might seem counter-intuitive considering LL's PG rule and the relatively high level of moderation, but I've found that when it comes to adult topics, only posts with very explicit language are getting moderated. Which can be a boon rather than a bane, because it helps keep the discussion on a civilized level. We have discussed even the most controversial topics here in the past, such as age play, BDSM (including edgeplay), or zoophilia. This doesn't seem to be possible over at SLU, where people who disagree with the vocal majority (which is surprisingly conservative when it comes to sex; SLU is a place where gays and liberal atheists rage against aberrant forms of sexuality in a way that would make a Baptist preacher jealous) are met with vigorous personal attacks and the most hateful and rude language. That's exactly the kind of thing that gets deleted here, and this forum is a better place for it imho. At SLU, everything seems to be about moral outrage. A member of the in crowd starts a finger pointing thread (bruised skins and "Rape me" tattoos, OMG, how can LL allow this!) and everyone joins in the bashfest. That is not a discussion, it's a lynch mob in a feverish circle j***. Those who dare to disagree are torn to pieces and will be bullied in all future threads no matter what they post. I'd rather participate in a forum where I can speak my mind as long as I'm willing to self-censor a bit and use medical schoolbook terms or romanticized language rather than colloquialisms."
Knowl Paine said on SLF...
"The best place is with your partner(s). Second Life can be a journey, a path for discovery. I prefer to choose my own adventure. Sexual sophistication, is far from first on my list of ideal characteristics and traits of a desirable partner. The second best place to discuss functionality of a product or attachment is with the Creator or seller of the product. The Resident who made it, probably knows how the item works. A Group for helping Residents in the Region Kuula, has a public Show-n-Tell event, the content must be General maturity rating but a format like that for sex in SL would be beneficial."
squashy Beeswing said on SLF...
"You could dish out notecards periodically with how-to guides and best practice. :matte-motes-delicious:"

Orfeu said on gV...
"I think of the forums, gv is prolly the best fit. We do have a slight habit of constant de-rails....rather than substantive discussion here...but one can hope. Other than that....your "Thats what she said" blog, also seems to fit the bill admirably."

Saffy Pants said on gV...
"I am not sure any of them are any use for talking about SL sex. The ones that allow it are populated by people who aren't interested and the ones populated by people who are interested don't allow it. The official forum is obviously the place because it has loads of newbies who would love some sex education but as you say it would be like sex education in school with the real stuff censored out. I did my share of sex in my early SL days but I never really found anyone who could understand the kind of atmosphere I needed to create. I havent tried anything for a long time but poseballs and devices did nothing for me with the exception of Devotion and I got worn out having to do all the talking."

Additional information.

  1. Some pretty damn frank conversations about sex can be had in the Utherverse forums, but it is a company product site, so it's not really the right place for conversations that include Second Life or other virtual worlds.  Also, the Springerville and troll quotients are very high in that place.
  2. There is a Gorean Forum specific to Second Life and it is active and current.
  3. KingGoon Forums.
  4. The Alphaville Herald has a 'Sex, Cybersex and Beyond' section
  5. 2nd Sex.  It's a blog by Lillie Yifu.  Described as follows: "A blog on sex and virtual worlds by a virtual escort." Current content.  Not as much sex as you might think given the description and blog title.
  6. The Sleaze King of Second Life.  A blog by Hard Rust, the creator of Hard Alley in Second Life.
  7. Second Life porn star blogs.  Definitely adult content.
    1. Emmanuelle Jameson's Second Life.  A blog by the avatar formerly known as "Jennnnna Jameson."  Lots of sex.  Lots of erotic Second Life sex pics. 
    2. My Twisted Second Life: Diary of A Naughty TGirl.  A blog by Ivori Faith.  Sex from the second you click through the mature-content warning.
    3. Serenity And Arwen PornStar Files.
    4. Quinn Ying in Second Life.


Monday, September 5, 2011

Sex Questions on Second Life Forums (SLF)

It's just not the right place.

Aleesha Snow said...
"I'm looking into making a foray into the world of SL sex. Before I get involved, I have been noticing that there are so many options as far as body parts, HUDs, and many other things. Some things are stand alone, others need compatible items to work properly. It is all so confusing. I decided to search for information online. Unfortunately, after several hours, was unable to locate anything on the web that wasn't a number of years old and, apparently, no longer pertinent. I'm not sure I am in the right place to even ask this question. Can someone point me to a place where I can get up to date and accurate information on all of this?  Thank You  A~"

Aleesha Snow also said...
"Thanks Ariel, and thanks to all who replied. I really appreciate it. Reading all of your responses have helped but I think Ariel hit the nail on the head. There is just so much that it is hard to ask specific questions. The "genital Attachment" question was one for instance. I personally don't need one and sex for me is more cerebral than visual, yet I didn't know if guys would look at me as cheap or less desirable if I didn't have one. It is things like that. Its good to know that the older information can be relied upon today. I will look at it with a different eye. Guess I need to find my online mentor. Thank you all A~"

I said...

"Excellent questions.  I hope you think of more specific questions and get more and varied answers.  I will be interested to see them myself.

My sexual experience in Second Life leads me to believe that a nice skin and shape is all you really need.  Maybe a couple of non-n00b outfits, which are easy enough to get for free if you join designer merchant groups or follow tips from SL fashion blogs.

I'm a female both in SL and RL.  I was led to purchase prim genitalia my first week in SL.  I bought it, fussed about with it, abandoned it and never looked back.  No one has mentioned it since.  I don't miss it and neither do my sexual partners.  I think it is largely unnecessary.  People who purchase them and enjoy them can give you another point of view, but I guarantee you it is a "nice to have" luxury, if anything, and not a "need to have" necessity.

Beyond that I think it depends on your specific fetish or favorite flavor.  I'm loathe to go into further details here because I am keenly aware that the Second Life forums are PG and strictly moderated.  I would highly recommend that if you want an open discussion about sex in Second Life where you can get full and varied answers, that you take your question to one or more of the third-party SL-theme forums like SLUniverse (SLU), Second Citizen (SC MKII) or gotVirtual (gV).  There is a link to some of the third-party forums on the Second Life Wiki (  Again, I highly recommend you check out an independent forum for a frank discussion of adult topics like sex in Second Life.

Lastly, I will tell you it is IMPOSSIBLE not to have sex as a female in Second Life, hell, even the guys can get laid.  I really don't know of anyone who can't get cyberlaid somehow someway in Second Life.  Sex is easily obtained.  The question is... what kind.  And that depends on more than prim genitalia.

 Anyway...  good luck to you and I hope you have lots and lots of naughty fun.  :smileywink:"

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