Couples Stay Over Rather than Cohabitate

This is right in my wheelhouse.

Study: Young Couples Stay Over Rather than Cohabitate

More couples in long-term relationships are choosing to stay over a few nights per week at each other’s home instead of cohabitating, a university study has concluded.

University of Missouri PhD student Tyler Jamison conducted the study that found the growing trend among college-educated men and women in their 20s.

The appeal of these “stayover” relationships for young couples is keeping their independence and staying away from the big commitment that living together brings. Couples who live together and break up have to deal with apartment leases, shared household items, and other things that automatically bond people who live together. Men and women in their 20s are in transitional times in their lives and many do not want to be tied down to commitments in their personal lives.

Some participants in the study said they had no interest in every cohabitating in a romantic relationship outside of marriage, but do engage in stayover relationships. Some couples even stay over at their significant other’s house seven nights a week, but maintain their own residence. They cited that if they can go home or tell the other person to go home, they are not cohabitating.

The study was published in “The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.”

Links:
http://smartabouthealth.net/health/2011/07/31/study-young-couples-stay-over-rather-than-cohabitate/
http://www.huliq.com/10559/young-adult-couples-opt-stayover-relationships
http://www.sunherald.com/2011/07/28/3307617/study-shows-young-people-leave.html
http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/07/29/us-dating-stayovers-idUSTRE76S4KE20110729
http://www.lansingstatejournal.com/article/20110730/LIFE03/107300305/Study-says-more-young-people-choose-stayover-instead-cohabitation?odyssey=mod|newswell|text|FRONTPAGE|s
http://hdfs.missouri.edu/current_profiles.html

Your Brain on Porn & Sex

Your Brain on Sex

Dopamine loves novelty and the unexpected above all other natural stimuli.

When dopamine drops, you are likely to find your partner less rewarding—and your bond unravels.

You can repeat this process with fresh females until he nearly dies of exhaustion. This is called the Coolidge effect—the automatic response to novel mates. And it’s what started you down the road to getting hooked on Internet porn. (Note: Coolidge effect also occurs in females. Studies show that, when given the opportunity, human females are just as promiscuous as males.)

Your Brain on Porn

Why Men Use Prostitutes

This is a January 2010 article about why men pay to have sex with prostitutes:

Why men use prostitutes

The reasons why many men pay for sex are revealed in the interviews that make up a major new piece of research

Read the research project's report on men who buy sex (pdf)

One of the most interesting lines in the article:

In fact, many of the men were a mass of contradictions.

Research published in 2005 found that the numbers of men who pay for sex had doubled in a decade. The ­authors attributed this rise to "a greater acceptability of commercial sexual contact", yet many of our ­interviewees told us that they felt ­intense guilt and shame about paying for sex. "I'm not satisfied in my mind" was how one described his feelings after paying for sex. Another told me that he felt "disappointed – what a waste of money", "lonely still" and "guilty about my relationship with my wife".

God, what a tangled web we weave in this complex society of ours.

The article goes on to say that a couple of men in the survey said that the only way to end prostitution would be to "kill all the girls" or "lock up" all the men. Most acknowledge that hard-core real-life consequences like public exposure, monetary penalties and jail time would put a pretty big damper on prostitution. One thing that would not, however, would be knowledge that the working girls were participating under duress. But that's real life, right? Everyone in Second Life is making a proactive, premeditated, consensual choice, yes? Second Life is a relatively guilt-free environment, no?

Many men seemed to want a real relationship* with a woman and were disappointed when this didn't develop: "It's just a sex act, no emotion. Be prepared to accept this or don't go at all. It's not a wife or girlfriend." ­Others were clear that they paid for sex in order to be able to totally control the encounter, including Bob, who said, "Look, men pay for women because he can have whatever and whoever he wants. Lots of men go to prostitutes so they can do things to them that real women* would not put up with."

*emphasis added

There are 335 comments to that article, including these:

to divulge a bit more, probably close to a billion men alive today have paid for sex. Interviewing a few and analyzing the results in this way is completely meaningless.

Can't say I sympathise with the attitudes of most of the men described above and I've honestly never even been tempted to use a prostitute - at a guess I'd say I'm more representative of the male population than any of the interviewees.

Article comes nowhere close to understanding men's need for sex.
When will women start to ask " what do men want?"
The worse thing here is the guit they feel - maybe this is the real problem. Should be prefectly acceptable for these men to pay for sex i fthey can't get in their relationships without having this destructive guiilt hype foisted upon them
Most prostitues seem to operate without feelings of guilt and exploit these men financially
Suspect that 100% will have paid for sex one way ot another at some point in their lives

And a man citing Freakonomics and the benefit of pimps.

And an otherwise content escort sick of hearing about the dark and extreme end of her chosen profession.

From the survey report itself:

One interviewee explained, “There’s an intimacy in all sex, even if it’s only a small part of sex and if you give it away to loads of men there’s not much left. It’s about giving a piece of yourself away and there’s not much left.”

...he still seeks to convince himself that she both likes him and is sexually aroused by him.

Nonetheless they are disappointed and often feel “tricked” by what they know is the woman’s simulation of emotional and sexual response.

More than one-half of the interviewees confirmed they were in a relationship at the time they used women in prostitution. this contradicts the common misperception that men buy sex because they are lonely or have no partners.

http://www.eaves4women.co.uk/Documents/Recent_Reports/Men Who Buy Sex.pdf

Orfeu Miles said: ↑

Having had escort pals in RL....might I make the point, that if you put enough money in their hands....they WILL be fully satisfied.
(Joking...but...um....not really)

Actually, funnily enough, that's one of the points of the survey I mentioned (and posted the link) about how some men assumed satisfaction on the part of the prostitute and how some other men resented it.

Orfeu Miles said: ↑

My anecdotal evidence from my escort pals...was they considered it unprofessional to REALLY get off on the encounter.....although they admitted that it sometimes happens...1 in a hundred times...in some cases 1 in a thousand....the nature of the male ego...every guy thinks he is THAT guy. 

Every Carnal exchange between a man and a woman involves an exchange of energy...it could be affection...love...lust...time...attention...money...or even friendship....the prostitute/client relationship just exists within tightly defined parameters. 

I try not to heap judgement on it...its just yet another flavour...and er a pretty old one at that.

I hear ya.


Another interesting part of that survey, brought to mind by your comment about "THAT guy," is that some men admitted to lying to their friends about their experiences with prostitutes, either falsely telling other men they'd had sex with a prostitute without her demanding payment or trying to pass off an attractive prostitute as a real-life girlfriend.


Yes, and I'm struck by how many people, man or woman, will sometimes, maybe even often, feel depressed afterwards.

either falsely telling other men they'd had sex with a prostitute without her demanding payment

Orfeu Miles said: ↑

Male ego...out of control....an everyday tale...

LOL

We've got some tales of female egos running rampant too.


I see a lot of this dynamic in Second Life. A lot.

Orfeu said:  I like the phrase." A judgment free friendship"

For many men...sex is the premier gateway to intimacy.

What is Intimacy. ???Why do we crave it.???

I once heard it described...as wanting to see....and be seen.Hmm could be something in that I guess.

A witness that I am alive...that I was here...that someone touched me...and that I touched someone's life.
Plausible ???

That's what some people say about marriage (and LTR-commitment). It's making sure you have a witness to your life.