Where do YOU think the best place to talk about sex in Second Life is and why?

I asked this question on the official Second Life Forum (SLF), SLUniverse (SLU) and gotVirtual (gV) this week and probably about a year or more ago on RLetc.

This is the question in more detail.

"Where are the best places (blogs, forums, websites, sims, etc.) to talk about sex in Second Life among adults with a frank and open discussion and information that is updated and kept current? Topics might include prim genitalia, etiquette, how-to for newbies, fetishes, paraphilias, NSFW & XXX content, sex sims, sex products, etc. And why? (Why is that the best place?) The question came up in the "Finding Current Info on SL Sex" thread on SLF and I thought it might be interesting to get comments and referrals and maybe collect them into a helpful resource list. Thank you in advance and apologies for dupes."

I say it came up in that thread, and it did, but the truth is, I've been looking for a forum in which to have conversations with topics like the ones in this blog for about two years.  It has turned out to be a slightly more complex question that I had first thought it would be.

Anyway, here are some of the answers I received.

I'll start with the helpful, direct link type answers.

1. SLUniverse (SLU).  Multiple votes for this forum, some qualified.  There are restrictions on content and many people have complained about judgmental or joking responses, but you do have the advantage of a large group of tenured and knowledgeable Second Life residents who can answer many product and tech questions.
2. The "Let's Make Sexy Time!" Social Group on SLUniverse.  Eighty-seven threads, current content, some sex and a lot of humor and poking and joking around.
3. The "BDSM Interest group" Social Group on SLUniverse.  Three hundred seventy-four threads, current content, a lot of sex and helpful discussions about Second Life sex products and places.  More straight answers and acceptance and less joking and poking in this Social Group.  I would feel comfortable recommending this Social Group to people wanting a venue for discussing sex in Second Life.
4. gotVirtual (gv).  Multiple qualified votes for this forum.
5. The official Second Life forum (SLF).  Multiple votes with qualifiers.  This is the company's product forum, it includes teens and it is PG.  You can't use vulgar language like "fuck" and you cannot post nude or lewd pics.  You do have the advantage of a large group of tenured and knowledgeable Second Life residents who can answer many product and tech questions.  My observation has been that a person asking questions on SLF is likely to get inworld IMs offering help too.
6. BDSM forum inworld sim.  Multiple votes for this place.
7. Xcite!  Xcite! is a Second Life product site.  Good information specific to their product line.
8. Between two consenting adults.  Multiple votes.
9. A couple of people said they did not want to share what they had managed to learn on their own the hard way.
10. This blog right here.

It was in the "BDSM Interest group" Social Group that I found this helpful stickied thread about the rules on SLU regarding adult content.

Cristiano said on SLU...

"A reminder about NSFW images and thread titles"

"If the image contains nudity or is otherwise sexually explicit, it must not be posted inline with IMG tags or attached to the post. You must link to the image. Courtesy would also be to warn that the image is NSFW. If you are uncertain if an image is NSFW, err on the side of caution and assume it is."

"Please also be conscious of the content of your thread titles. While users do have the ability to ignore forums, and the group forums are viewable only by registered users, there is no ability to filter out forums on iSpy and the titles do appear some other places as well. Thank you for your cooperation with this policy. I try to provide as open of an environment as possible and I have nothing against the images or topics personally, but I do have the needs of the entire forum community, advertisers, and the policies of my ISP to keep in mind."

Nimue Jewell said on SLU...

"Keep in mind, even though the topics are adult in those subforums, you are not allowed to post naked SL or RL pictures."

I nabbed a couple of the more in-depth comments.

Ishtara Rothschild said on SFL...

"Actually, I think that is forum is a great place to talk about sex. It might seem counter-intuitive considering LL's PG rule and the relatively high level of moderation, but I've found that when it comes to adult topics, only posts with very explicit language are getting moderated. Which can be a boon rather than a bane, because it helps keep the discussion on a civilized level. We have discussed even the most controversial topics here in the past, such as age play, BDSM (including edgeplay), or zoophilia. This doesn't seem to be possible over at SLU, where people who disagree with the vocal majority (which is surprisingly conservative when it comes to sex; SLU is a place where gays and liberal atheists rage against aberrant forms of sexuality in a way that would make a Baptist preacher jealous) are met with vigorous personal attacks and the most hateful and rude language. That's exactly the kind of thing that gets deleted here, and this forum is a better place for it imho. At SLU, everything seems to be about moral outrage. A member of the in crowd starts a finger pointing thread (bruised skins and "Rape me" tattoos, OMG, how can LL allow this!) and everyone joins in the bashfest. That is not a discussion, it's a lynch mob in a feverish circle j***. Those who dare to disagree are torn to pieces and will be bullied in all future threads no matter what they post. I'd rather participate in a forum where I can speak my mind as long as I'm willing to self-censor a bit and use medical schoolbook terms or romanticized language rather than colloquialisms."

Knowl Paine said on SLF...

"The best place is with your partner(s). Second Life can be a journey, a path for discovery. I prefer to choose my own adventure. Sexual sophistication, is far from first on my list of ideal characteristics and traits of a desirable partner. The second best place to discuss functionality of a product or attachment is with the Creator or seller of the product. The Resident who made it, probably knows how the item works. A Group for helping Residents in the Region Kuula, has a public Show-n-Tell event, the content must be General maturity rating but a format like that for sex in SL would be beneficial."

squashy Beeswing said on SLF...

"You could dish out notecards periodically with how-to guides and best practice. "

Orfeu said on gV...

"I think of the forums, gv is prolly the best fit. We do have a slight habit of constant de-rails....rather than substantive discussion here...but one can hope. Other than that....your "Thats what she said" blog, also seems to fit the bill admirably."

Saffy Pants said on gV...

"I am not sure any of them are any use for talking about SL sex. The ones that allow it are populated by people who aren't interested and the ones populated by people who are interested don't allow it. The official forum is obviously the place because it has loads of newbies who would love some sex education but as you say it would be like sex education in school with the real stuff censored out. I did my share of sex in my early SL days but I never really found anyone who could understand the kind of atmosphere I needed to create. I havent tried anything for a long time but poseballs and devices did nothing for me with the exception of Devotion and I got worn out having to do all the talking."

Additional information.

1. Some pretty damn frank conversations about sex can be had in the Utherverse forums, but it is a company product site, so it's not really the right place for conversations that include Second Life or other virtual worlds.  Also, the Springerville and troll quotients are very high in that place.
2. There is a Gorean Forum specific to Second Life and it is active and current.
3. KingGoon Forums.
4. The Alphaville Herald has a 'Sex, Cybersex and Beyond' section
5. 2nd Sex.  It's a blog by Lillie Yifu.  Described as follows: "A blog on sex and virtual worlds by a virtual escort." Current content.  Not as much sex as you might think given the description and blog title.
6. The Sleaze King of Second Life.  A blog by Hard Rust, the creator of Hard Alley in Second Life.
7. Second Life porn star blogs.  Definitely adult content.
1. Emmanuelle Jameson's Second Life.  A blog by the avatar formerly known as "Jennnnna Jameson."  Lots of sex.  Lots of erotic Second Life sex pics. 
2. My Twisted Second Life: Diary of A Naughty TGirl.  A blog by Ivori Faith.  Sex from the second you click through the mature-content warning.
3. Serenity And Arwen PornStar Files.
4. Quinn Ying in Second Life.

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/bd-p/lifestyles_relationships
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Where-do-YOU-think-the-best-place-to-talk-about-sex-in-Second/td-p/1086709
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Finding-Current-Info-on-SL-Sex/td-p/1081169
http://www.sluniverse.com
http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/lets-make-sexy-time/
http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/bdsm-interest-group/
http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/general-sl-discussion/64052-where-best-places-talk-second.html
http://gotvirtual.net
http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/where-are-the-best-places-to-talk-second-life-sex-mature-nsfw.2546/
http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/
http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/the-naughty-thread-pics-vids-etc-there-will-be-nudity.410/
http://www.getxcite.com/
http://forums.utherverse.com
http://goreanforums.net/
http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Can_we_have_sex
http://sexsecond.blogspot.com
http://alphavilleherald.com/news/sex-cybersex-and-beyond
http://jennnnnajameson.blogspot.com
http://ivorifaith.blogspot.com
http://quinnying.blogspot.com
http://sereandarwen.blogspot.com
http://hardrust.blogspot.com
http://www.kinggoon.net/

Disproportionate Anecdotal Evidence of Something...Special

Orfeu Miles said: ↑

My own totally subjective ...non-researched conclusion...is that sl is FULL of people with mental-health problems...this stirs my compassion...but not my desire to wanna get to know you better. 

Ishtara said: ↑

There are sane people in Second Life? Wow. I never met any of those 

Yeah, well that's one of the Second Life cultural chestnut jokes for a reason, isn't it?

Orfeu and I agree that there seems to be a lot (anecdotally disproportionate even) of people with mental and physical health issues in Second Life, and the virtual world forums attached to Second Life, who are drawn to Second Life and the forums because of a number of reasons, but often because they can do things in Second Life and the forums they cannot do, or cannot do easily, in First Life.

I think Orfeu might agree with me, however, that there are delightful people you meet and happily get to know in Second Life who inform you that they have mental health issues, whether it be bipolar disorder or social anxiety disorder or some kind of gender dysphoria and then there are people who, to put it in crass layman's language born out of frustrated experience, are batshit fucking crazy and toxic as hell who you do not want to get near with a ten-meter-pixel pole, let alone get to know. It's like the example Cody and Orfeu and I discussed earlier about the profile with the likes and dislikes. There's a qualitative difference in tone and effect that makes all the difference.

The realization, again, I know I'm speaking anecdotally, that there was such a significant mental health component to virtual worlds and their forums, got me really interested in that teeth-in, curiosity kind of way. I'm fascinated. I've done a lot of layman's research on the subject and have done some exploration in Second Life with that sole interest in mind. Orfeu, for example, directed me to a place in Second Life in which, not only could you read about schizophrenia, but you could "experience" it through the scripted activities you could try. I've got some screen shots and links. I'll bring 'em over and post 'em. Anyway, I obviously have a lot more to say on this subject. So you know what's coming.

At any rate, one thing I do want to be clear about, is that I'm not driven to reduce my sphere of friends and acquaintances to those with "perfect" physical and mental health. One, that would be impossible and two, it would be foolish and I would miss out on so much. I do, however, have a healthy radar for toxicity and I have a healthy sense of self-preservation.


Repost. LeeHere Absent, Mar 5, 2011   http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-20#post-31121

More About Opening Lines

Add to the list of Joe Wannafucker opening lines:

1. Hi. (A natural, I know, but with some people, if I don't reply, the entire chat log looks like this: Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.)
2. Are you wet?
3. I am hard and/or horny.
4. u horney?
5. We can have some voice?
6. u luk sexxy
7. i need to release a load
8. Maybe I can do you next.
9. kisses (Would you be surprised to know how common that one is? Just "kisses" out of the blue and with no real follow-up?)
10. Did we already do the old chestnut of random TPs that come without preamble or warning and just keep coming over and over and over and over? Yeah, I think we did.


On the other hand:

1. Joe 2.0: What's your fantasy? What about horny young dudes with raging hard ons at their computer trying to find a slut to play with?
2. Adam: Good evening MIss Lee. Adam blushes down at the ground, hoping he has not been too forward. Lee: Interesting balls. The ones you're standing next to, that is. Adam: Adam looks down to make sure his zipper is up! *gulp* oh, those..yes MIss. (I thought Ishtara would like that "Adam.")
3. Serious Guy: Comprehensive profile. Very direct, plus clear on what you want. Exciting sexual imagery painted in words, text or voice. I'm interested..how many times do you achieve that goal?
4. Him: Hello there. Naughty thing, aren't you? Well I must ask, how you like to feel, like a whore or a princess? Me: Both. Woman's prerogative. Him: lol, men's nightmare. 
5. Understanding Guy: Now I don't tend to tell someone what to do, or really ask what you are doing rl, I figure you know your self better than I do.
6. Referred Guy: Hello, I'm a friend of Referring Guy. I think he thought I might amuse you.
7. Calling Card Guy: Sweetness, I would like the chance to play about with you some time. I have looked over your profile and I think between the two of us, we could come up with a wonderful scenario. May I offer you my card so we can plan some time together then?
8. Theatre Guy: Anything good playing at the theatre? Me: No, actually. Bit of a disappointment. Theatre Guy: I suppose if there's no entertainment on offer, you have to make your own.
9. Assumptive Opener: I think you'll like me. Just a hunch. And most girls usually do.


Repost. LeeHere Absent, Mar 4, 2011 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-19#post-30794

Here's another line that has been used on me that you can recycle and try, but I really wouldn't like your chances with it because it didn't do much more than momentarily amuse me before laughing it off.

Him: Can you send me a TP? I am lost.




I've noticed a fair number of men in Second Life will give a gift, like a rose, as their opening line. A nice gesture, surely, and yet I'm not certain of how effective it is. Anyone have any thoughts on that?

It still leads me to the question I have about many simple openers, which is, "what are you going to do or say from there?" The rose gift can have the effect of putting you squarely in the dance-and-romance category, which is extremely popular with women in Second Life, thereby potentially making it an ideal mood-setting opener, but if you follow it with a "wannafuck" style line, it could be a bit jarring. And then, of course, I might refer you back to my post about the man who gave me a rose and then berated me for being a money and gift whore when I did not drop everything to come and service him so he could get some sleep. An extreme choice, I'll grant you, and not an effective one if his intent was to spend one second more interacting with me.


Repost.  http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-25#post-33814


I thought this was kinda cute from a man with the same last name:

Him: So, are you my wife I didnt know about, or are we related some how....lol
Her: Same family apparently. Long lost cousins?
Him: lol, damn, I was hoping you were my vegas wife I didn't remember marrying

Speaking of which, I did meet a man in SL who suggested we meet and marry in RL in Vegas. I declined.

Alt Accounts & Secret Lives...and Risks

One story, certainly not indicative of all or even many, just one that stood out in my mind as a unique and unpleasant experience....

In another world and on another forum a man became aware of both my account identities. He became obsessed with my duality and asked me, among other things, to log into the forum as my sex alt and tell everyone that he was the best sex I'd ever had. I declined. Not long after that, and for largely unrelated reasons, he posted some forum posts vaguely threatening to out my alt in messages that were designed so that only I would be likely to see what he really meant. I didn't like the control that gave him, so I outted myself. To say he was shocked by my response would be putting it mildly.

Site Surfing

I followed the bread crumbs to Terra Nova and found something interesting.


Feb 18, 2011

Ruberg on Sex as a Game

Our friend Bonnie Ruberg has sent a paper composed during her expedition to the Comp Lit program at Berkeley. The topic: Sex in Second Life as a game. The report arrived by packet boat yesterday and may be collected at this wharf. Enjoy!

Sex as Game: Playing with the Erotic Body in Virtual Worlds
Bonnie Ruberg


Repost. LeeHere Absent, Feb 27, 2011  http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-12#post-27956



"My favorite story about him," Mac said "actually involved the two of them. They were touring a farm and Grace had gone off with a man who was showing her the chickens. She watched a lone rooster chasing the hens and asked how many times a day it serviced them. The man said, ‘About 50.’ ‘Go tell that to Mr. Coolidge,’ she said.

Presidents' wives of the past, Part 4 Cunning, vindictive, and one ...

www.backwoodshome.com/articles/silveira35.html - Cached - Similar


Repost. LeeHere Absent, Feb 27, 2011  http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-13#post-28073


For your consideration:

Battle of the sexes: Do men or women make the better dining companion?


Repost.  http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-16#post-30518


Check out this Wikipedia blurb on Sperm Wars.