"A Proper News & Information Site for Serious Adult Play?"

This question was asked (in long form) in the Adult section of the official Second Life forum.

Are there blogs reviewing Second Life adult products and places?

I don't know yet if there is a one-stop niche shop, but I did ask the OP if she'd seen any of these sites:

http://jennnnnajameson.blogspot.com

http://acesonsl.blogspot.com

http://pixierainsl.blogspot.com

http://colleencriss.wordpress.com/

http://satiateddesires.wordpress.com/

http://issuu.com/scruplz

http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/bdsm-interest-group/

http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/lets-make-sexy-time/

http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/new-product-listings/

http://bondageplaygroundreleased.blogspot.com

http://goreanforums.net/

http://www.getxcite.com/

http://alphavilleherald.com/

http://alphavilleherald.com/news/sex-cybersex-and-beyond

http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/

http://hardrust.blogspot.com

http://ivorifaith.blogspot.com

http://sereandarwen.blogspot.com

http://quinnying.blogspot.com

http://www.kinggoon.sr/

http://forum.mmosite.com/board/2-185.html

http://www.bohemiantourist.com/

http://sl2rllove.blogspot.com/

http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/

Link to the original post:  http://community.secondlife.com/t5/General-Discussion/A-Proper-News-amp-Information-Site-for-Serious-Adult-Play/td-p/1480359

Related post link:  http://community.secondlife.com/t5/General-Discussion/Is-there-a-blogging-circle-I-can-add-my-blog-to/m-p/1324783

Adult SubForum Idea for Second Life Forum (SLF)

Venus has been telling me about an idea that was floated to the Lindens about creating an Adult subforum on the official Second Life forum.  The end result, it appears, was for content creators, merchants and adult land owners only.

Venus Petrov said...

"Shortly after this Lithium forum was rolled out, a number of us advocated to have a place where adult discussions on sex in SL might be safe for discussion. The topic was touched on in at least three CTUG (Community Tools User Group meetings). Somewhere along the line the request got morphed in the implementation of the solution and what we ended up with was a 'by invitation only' forum for content creators of adult products in SL and owners of adult land. If one did not fit into either category, you were SOL. My short answer to your question above is 'It depends.' It depends on the question(s). Other than mechanics of and places to go, perhaps, most will probably focus on situational issues. I would like that these could still be raised in the Lifestyles subforum. And, some are."

"Actually, what you describe is what I had hoped could happen on the Adult forum we first advocated. There is a considerable economy in SL creating, marketing, selling, and supporting adult 'goods'. It does not seem logical to create a forum where only purveyors of adult-related items can share information. What about the consumer?!"

"That was the end of it at the time. LL had no way of being able to automatically add verified adults to the Adult forum. It required individuals who fell under at least one of the two categories I referenced earlier to ask Blondin to be added and he did so manually. Now that he is gone I do not know who manages that forum."

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Finding-Current-Info-on-SL-Sex/td-p/1081169/page/4
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Finding-Current-Info-on-SL-Sex/m-p/1088413#M6364

ETA:

Dresden Ceriano said...

"If I remember correctly, the last time an adult sub-forum was discussed, it was in conjunction with the creation of a GLBT forum. It was decided that there would be no adult forum but there would be a GLBT forum, except only for adults. It was quickly pointed out that, not only was there no reason a GLBT sub-forum should have to be adult, but that having an adult forum for the GLBT community and not having one for everyone else just didn't seem right. So what we got instead was the "Identity and Relationships" forum that was open to all (which I later forced suggested Amanda change to "Lifestyles and Relationships", which is what have now). The adult forum idea was never brought up again, as far as I know. Perhaps, since some of the names have changed now, it might be time to, once again, bring it up. I mean, why not?... the worst they could do is say no again. ...Dres ETA: I forgot to mention the best part... no one ever even asked for the creation of a GLBT sub-forum. Sometime, during the discussion about creating an adult sub-forum, some misguided person suggested GLBT issues as a reason for creating one. Amanda took that as if we needed a GLBT forum and ran with it. So we ended up getting what we didn't ask for and not getting what we did... go figure."

Sex Questions on Second Life Forums (SLF)

It's just not the right place.

Aleesha Snow said...

"I'm looking into making a foray into the world of SL sex. Before I get involved, I have been noticing that there are so many options as far as body parts, HUDs, and many other things. Some things are stand alone, others need compatible items to work properly. It is all so confusing. I decided to search for information online. Unfortunately, after several hours, was unable to locate anything on the web that wasn't a number of years old and, apparently, no longer pertinent. I'm not sure I am in the right place to even ask this question. Can someone point me to a place where I can get up to date and accurate information on all of this?  Thank You  A~"

Aleesha Snow also said...

"Thanks Ariel, and thanks to all who replied. I really appreciate it. Reading all of your responses have helped but I think Ariel hit the nail on the head. There is just so much that it is hard to ask specific questions. The "genital Attachment" question was one for instance. I personally don't need one and sex for me is more cerebral than visual, yet I didn't know if guys would look at me as cheap or less desirable if I didn't have one. It is things like that. Its good to know that the older information can be relied upon today. I will look at it with a different eye. Guess I need to find my online mentor. Thank you all A~"

I said...

"Excellent questions.  I hope you think of more specific questions and get more and varied answers.  I will be interested to see them myself.

My sexual experience in Second Life leads me to believe that a nice skin and shape is all you really need.  Maybe a couple of non-n00b outfits, which are easy enough to get for free if you join designer merchant groups or follow tips from SL fashion blogs.

I'm a female both in SL and RL.  I was led to purchase prim genitalia my first week in SL.  I bought it, fussed about with it, abandoned it and never looked back.  No one has mentioned it since.  I don't miss it and neither do my sexual partners.  I think it is largely unnecessary.  People who purchase them and enjoy them can give you another point of view, but I guarantee you it is a "nice to have" luxury, if anything, and not a "need to have" necessity.

Beyond that I think it depends on your specific fetish or favorite flavor.  I'm loathe to go into further details here because I am keenly aware that the Second Life forums are PG and strictly moderated.  I would highly recommend that if you want an open discussion about sex in Second Life where you can get full and varied answers, that you take your question to one or more of the third-party SL-theme forums like SLUniverse (SLU), Second Citizen (SC MKII) or gotVirtual (gV).  There is a link to some of the third-party forums on the Second Life Wiki (http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Discussion_forums#Third-party_forums).  Again, I highly recommend you check out an independent forum for a frank discussion of adult topics like sex in Second Life.

Lastly, I will tell you it is IMPOSSIBLE not to have sex as a female in Second Life, hell, even the guys can get laid.  I really don't know of anyone who can't get cyberlaid somehow someway in Second Life.  Sex is easily obtained.  The question is... what kind.  And that depends on more than prim genitalia.

 Anyway...  good luck to you and I hope you have lots and lots of naughty fun.  "

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Finding-Current-Info-on-SL-Sex/td-p/1081169/page/3

This Man's Questions (Storm...and Perrie... Asks)

Storm Clarence said:

"Is the political correctness in today's world suppressing the heterosexual relationship? Is political correctness and feminism attempting to stifle heterosexual men? Is the display of a heterosexual relationship on the cusp of extinction? Does the heterosexual man need to 'hide' his sexuality - his identity when he is in the presence of non-heteros?
What is the view of the heterosexual man who posts in a LBGTI forum? Do I, as a heterosexual man, have anything to offer? My sexuality is tied to the relationships I form. Aren't gay issues *relationship* issues, too? If not, what is specific to the gay man that is not specific to me - unless it's all only about the 'sexual activity,' and not the relationship itself?
Must I defend my sexuality? Must a gay man defend his sexuality? Why is one singled out over the other for a 'specific' forum? Who really cares if the relationship is MM, MF, or FF. Shouldn't it be about issues we face in relationships: treating one another with kindness, humor, reasoning, compassion, compromise; and discussing the issues that lead to unhealthy types of relationships, or how to build better relationships?"

Perrie Juran said:

"Sometimes it seems difficult and even frustrating at times to be a Vanilla Male. I meet girls who at least initially I like and think I would like to get to know better but then I read their profiles and feel like there is no way I could ever satisfy them. Yes, there really are girls out there who are into swinging from the chandeliers with bisexual furry skunks. And in public no less!!!!!
Is their really much room left for a simple Vanilla guy here?"

Lee says:

"Do I, as a heterosexual man, have anything to offer?"
Yes.  Come over here and make me an offer.  

"Is their really much room left for a simple Vanilla guy here?"

Where's "here"?  (the LGBTI-only forum? the Lifestyles & Relationship forum? Second Life? Real life?)

Yes, but it I admit I imagine it would be a little tough for a simple Vanilla guy in the fetish fantasyland of adult Second Life.  In the real world, and the parts of Second Life that most want to be like the real world, simple Vanilla guys become extremely appealing to many heterosexual women over 30.


Link:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/This-Man-s-Questions/m-p/825001/message-uid/825001#U825001

Advice for the Lovelorn (Stormy Weather)

"Do you have questions about love, relationships, or sex?" on http://community.secondlife.com.

SilverMadison said:

"Second Life Public Access TV is proud to announce "Ask Thea!" our brand new advice show!
If you have questions about relationships, love, or sex feel free to email Thea at AskTheaDee@gmail.com
Your question may be answered on air and in front of our live studio audience.

Ask Thea! will premiere this fall on Second Life Public Access TV and will star the beautiful and feisty TheaDee!"

squashy Beeswing said:

"Well, i want to know what her credentials are first."

Sigmund Leominster said:

"For those who want a more non-directive, non-personal approach, I have a Rogerian AI bot and a replica of Freud's couch in-world, which you are more than welcome to talk to. My bot doesn't judge you, doesn't pretend to have answers, and often gives some quirky and bizarre responses. Howver, there are times when flashes of brilliance shine through and you can sneak a tiny peek into your subconscious. Just IM me and I'll send you a LM to my Therapy Platform in th Sky."

Storm said:

"This.

This.

This."

squashy Beeswing said:

"Storm, you need your own 2 hour 'special' with all that you've got going on."

valerie Inshan said:

"LOL, Storm is famous 24 hours a day. Full time job."

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Do-you-have-questions-about-love-relationships-or-sex/td-p/1033019
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Wanted/Do-you-want-your-own-Second-life-TV-show/m-p/1035575
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/General-Discussions/How-do-I-make-her-love-me/m-p/498508/highlight/true#M242727
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/This-Man-s-Questions/m-p/825001/message-uid/825001#U825001
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/General-Discussions/Confessions-and-apologies-of-a-serial-SL-heartbreaker/m-p/492885/highlight/true#M239184

An Object Lesson in Bad Break-Ups

Here:  http://ladysakai.wordpress.com/2011/08/10/gtfo/  &  http://ladysakai.wordpress.com/2011/08/13/gtfo-part2-now-blackmail/

Expanding Your Fantasy...1950 or 2011? Which Country?

Ceka Cianci said:

"i haven't really read all this thread..just a few of the posts...
i think the best way to find a man in SL is to not look for them..and when they find you and IM you act as innocent as you can..
let some things go over your head..especially if it is them trying to flirt early on...
do a few subject changes from the flirts like you never caught onto it..
let a few of them hit and respond with little giggles here and there..
basically just treat them like any other person IMing..and that sex and romance is the farthest thing from your mind..

it seems to work really well for me..because i don't really look for men in sl and i have a hard time figuring out when they are flirting with me..i talk alot about lots of things so i may change the subject 5 times before i am finished explaining something hehehehe(see that giggle i slid in there?) hehehe( whoops did it again hehehe) (Ceka stop giggling and finish)Aaaanyways..i giggle a lot and i basically treat everyone about the same..
sex and romance is really something that is the farthest thing from my mind..
i always giggle when i catch onto a flirt..
oh and always talk about interesting things..like the weather..they really like that a lot  "

 

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/What-s-wrong-with-men/m-p/990261#M4851
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/lol-ha-hee-heh-as-punctuation.html

Are you really enjoying?

The bold opportunism of men amuses me.  No really.  I know this kind of behavior has the potential to annoy people, and rightly so, but it often makes me smile.

• Second Life
• Sex alt (mine)
• Hotel room on bed
• Having sex with a man
• Interrupted by IM from a second man

O & V Man (not the one on the bed) IMs me.


Opportunistic and voyeuristic man: omg, i wish to be him
Opportunistic and voyeuristic man: are you really enjoying now?




Opportunistic and voyeuristic man: well, you said, maybe one day
Opportunistic and voyeuristic man: why not today?


Hey.  Dude's a closer.  I can appreciate that.



Couple of notes:
1.  There are "private" rooms all over Second Life.  People still walk in, see that there is an intimate moment occurring between two avatars and plant themselves at the foot of the bed to watch.  If they had popcorn handy, I'm sure they'd munch it and drop crumbs on the bed.  And yes, sometimes, often even, they IM one or both of the people busy on the bed.
2.  People also cam in to watch.
3.  It's the internet.  Privacy is an illusion or a luxury... or something.
4.  Yes, it is extremely common to be interrupted by an IM from a man who is observing or has just observed you having sex, who knows you are busy, to try to cadge a lay or schedule an appointment for one...and they can be quite aggressive about it.
5.  Yes, men will employ a "yeah, but are you really into him, enjoying him, how much fun could he really be compared to me, etc." play to cockblock a guy and get the girl.  Happens in real life too.  You'll sometimes hear guys talking about gals in committed relationships (with a boyfriend) who aren't married who see those women as available and fair game.  "Hey, she's not married."

It's Not Me, It's You...

Was I being too subtle?  Sending mixed messages perhaps?

• Second Life
• Sex alt (mine)
• Rape (FSRP) sim
• RLV enabled
• Sitting in a chair

Guy activates the RLV, puts me on a poseball, rips off all my clothes and starts cyberfucking.

Guy initiates IM.


Guy: looks kinda sudden
Me: Says the man in control.
Guy: hehe
Guy: and what does the trapped girl like
Guy: forced sex?

(We're in a public forced sex sim and I'm wearing an RLV sitting next to poseballs that are all forced sex positions and acts.  But I suppose clarification and confirmation is good when you're talking about rape and ravishment fantasies.)

Me: You have me pinned down in a rape sim. I think it's about what you like.
Guy: i just came to see

(If I had $L for every time a guy said that to me...)

Guy: this sim
Me laughs.
Guy: reallyu not my type

(Alrighty then.  I'm all for cutting bait.)

Me: And now you've seen.

(I hop off the ball and get ready to TP out of there.)

Guy: yeah
Guy: really not my type

(I heard ya the first time.  I'm not your type.   I got it.  Sheesh.  I'm now back at my sandbox getting dressed.)

Guy: this sim i mean

(Oh suuuurrre.  Now you say that.)

And y'all wonder why I harp on and on about good, clear communication.



Links:
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/read-your-audience-play-to-room.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/wannafuckers-tissue-one-hour-stands-in.html

Confessions and apologies of a serial SL heartbreaker... (Jan-28-2011)

I stole this from Storm.  Always looking for the male perspective, ya know.

"Your world, your imagination! I say it over and over.

I am a serial heartbreaker.

I want to apologise to all the women (and some men) who I have hurt. You see, I got into this game called 'SecondLife' because it advertized itself as 'Your world. Your imagination.': the perfect RP game! Since I rezzed nearly one year ago, I have been meeting women and enjoying the game as my self-styled 'Casanova' character. Suave, debonair, witty, sexy, a manly man! I have been very successful, too. I have had a series of 'relationships' with women, in a couple instances, a few at a time, all of which have ended with me 'moving on'. Oh, there have been the requisite tears and sobbing from the women (and some men) but that was all part of the RP, or so I assumed. In fact, I feel fairly certain that one or two of my alts may be responsible for some of the anguish I have recently read in this forum.

If it is me that you are targeting with this pain, I deeply apologize. I know many of you are offended by this man's actions: I can't help myself, I am a Casanova, a heartbreaker - it's what I do. It's who I am. It's my world, my imagination.

As soon as I rezzed and got my bearings (i.e., a makeover) I began to express my imagination with the myriad of female avies who threw themselves at me. Oh, it was easy to meet you. Most of the time, you IM'ed me out of the blue, sometimes from several hundred meters away telling me how attractive I was and how you were lonely and did I want to dance. You all wanted a piece of Storm - and why not, I created the most hansome of avatars, I conversed in more than one sentence, and I was available. I told each of you I loved you - that each was the only one for me - I had sensuous, deep, fulfilling pixel sex with you. On the bright side, I did not charge you as an escort would - I did not regurgitate empty lines of love - I did love you - all of you.

You were very happy, too.

It was all part of the RP. I played the handsome Casanova willing to sweep you off your feet. And, why not? Your world. Your imagination. I know now (from reading a few OP's over the past few days) that many of you felt like I was 'the one', your SL dreamboat come true, the one who would be 'forever yours'. My RP skills are wonderful but, so are yours! Well, once or twice I nearly got caught posting my love message to the wrong IM when I was with you. If you do not remember that time, it is because I diverted you with romance, rezzed the TenderLove, and swept you off your feet. You enjoyed it! It was what you wanted and still do! I felt happy with you.

So, ladies (and some men,) it is time for you, too, to 'move on'. Now that you have expressed your grief and anguish publically in the forum, received many emotive responses, you must move on! Do not fret, I have kept a list of names and will not approach you with my alts as I now know that you were not engaged in RP with me.

Don't you all agree: Your world, your imagination? I thought I was playing SL the right way.

Enjoy!

PS Marked as a question because I ask one."

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/General-Discussions/Confessions-and-apologies-of-a-serial-SL-heartbreaker/m-p/492885/highlight/true#M239184

Moni's Men (Part II)

The next set of questions I would ask Moni if I were to continue the interview would be of no surprise to anyone what has read the "That's What She Said" blog or gV thread.  There's a wide variety of people and purposes in fantasyland and you have to qualify your prospects and set realistic and appropriate expectations.

So, Moni...

1.  How do you like your cybersex?  Pure text?  ParaRP?  Text and poseballs?  Poseballs and voice?  Second Life only or move to Skype voice and vid?  Exchange real-life pics and information?  Potential for real-life meeting?  Straight vanilla or kinky fetish fantasy?

2.  Are you age verified?  Are you gender verified?

3.  How do you like you relationships?  Second Life only or carryover to real life?  Visions of virtual weddings in your head or visions of real life romance?

4.  What do you do in Second Life?  Dance?  Hang out in 80s, blue or trance clubs?  Go to live music concerts?  Play cops and robbers?  Bloodlines?  Shoot stuff?  Build?  Design?  Sell?  Volunteer?  Take classes?  Human avatar or furry or vampire or demon or dolly or what?

5.  Do you speak any other languages (other than English)?  Are you open to other cultures and patient with people practicing English as their second language?

6.  Do you have an appealing profile that avoids the clichés and pitfalls of virtual worlds and online dating?  Does your profile indicate what you want?

7.  Do you use the SL tools of chat logs and note tabs effectively?

8.  Are you an immersionist or an augmentationist?  Are you an extrovert or introvert?  Which tribes are you associated with?

9.  How about the Bartle Test?  Are you an achiever, explorer, socializer or killer?  A friend, griefer, hacker, networker, opportunist, planner, politician or scientist?

10.  Who and what are you in Second Life and what do you do?

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/What-s-wrong-with-men/td-p/988201/highlight/false
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/08/whats-wrong-with-men.html
http://slcreativity.org/wiki/index.php?title=Augmentation_vs_Immersion
http://www.rletc.com/showthread.php?2554-Augmentationist-or-Immersionist
http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2008/02/self-and-second.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartle_Test
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/attached-committed-free-clear-or-in.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/fear-of-other-text-vs-voice.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/virtual-world-tribes.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/sales-cycle-of-cybersex-probing.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/sales-cycle-of-cybersex-opener.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/read-your-audience-play-to-room.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/pro-tip-little-black-books-profile.html
http://generalleehere.blogspot.com

What's Wrong With Men?

Moni Duettmann asks, "What's wrong with men?"

"I am close to celebrating my fifth SL birthday soon and I consider myself an open, intelligent, friendly and good-looking person (well, someone else should make that last statement, I know! :-)), but believe me: in all those 5 years I have never met a man who seriously had tried to seduce me. I'm not talking about weirdos jumping into the scene and offering instant f.... I mean decent, romantic, witty, nice, but determined approaches with a goal - to get me laid, or perhaps to start a relationship. Mostly men seem to be content with hearing (reading) themselves talk or, in the vast majority, they don't even try to talk to me, or tge conversations ends after 2 and a half sentences. When interested I always try to steer the conversation into the desired sweet sexy romantic direction, but the men don't seem to "get it". Are they too shy? Are they not interested? Am I not explicit enough (but where is romanticism)? I have been approached by women several times and out of curiosity and lack of men even started a few relationships. But still... I don't get it... Isn't SL the Eldorado for virtual sex? But where is it? Where are the lady killers?"

Well, ya know something like that would tempt a tl;dr style wall o'text from me.

Lee said:

"Fun post.  You got a lot of responses already and I had multiple responses pop into my head too just reading your OP.

First off, I see you say you want either sex or a relationship.  I think your first-mentioned goal, which appears to be a witty, adult, sexy, romantic, fun seduction for sex is a completely understandable one.  It's also a very, very tall, but not impossible order.

Your second-mentioned goal appears to be a witty, adult, sexy, romantic, fun seduction for a relationship.  Also a tall, but not impossible order, although this one is even more complicated.

So breaking it down:

Yes

Seduced for romantic sex

Seduced for relationship

Decent, romantic, witty, nice, confident, skilled, determined, assertive

Good listeners

Lady killers

Sometimes women

No

Wanna**bleep**er sex

Base down-and-dirty quickies

Weirdos

Transmit-only talkers

Shy, insecure, undecided, noncommital

A couple of the things you don't say, though vital to this discussion in a virtual environment is...

First off, what level of importance do you give to the real-life status of the men in Second Life?  I say this because in my experience, which is not some all-encompassing truth, many men in Second Life, particularly mature ones who have some game, have a real-life wife or girlfriend and a Second Life wife or girlfriend and a bunch of Second Life friends with benefits and places they go trawling for snacks and quickies or some combination thereof, and many of the men who are decent, romantic, witty, nice, confident, skilled, determined, assertive or some combination thereof, are often men with, at a minimum, a real-life wife.  So I don't know if the man's real-life relationship status is an issue for you or not.

Also, considering how very, very tall your order is, you don't really say a whole lot about what you are doing.  Where do you go?  Where are you looking?  What do you do?

I have met some men who were seductive, men who might have appealed to you.  Which is actually ironic, because I tend to go into Second Life for one of two things and in one of two mindsets.  1.  Wanna**bleep**er sex.  2.  Sexless fun with friends or on my own exploring.  I don't go into Second Life for wine and dine romance and potential relationships.  

That said, I do end up meeting seductive, charming men who want one or the other or both (romantic sex and romantic relationships) and try to slow me down and get my mind of a dirty quickie or off the exploration of another sim for a blog post.

Here's where I have met the seductive men who can hold a good conversation and make a move.

1.  Lar's Place.  It's a bar for older men and young women, but it got so popular (older men are like diamonds and catnip in SL) that younger men started going there because that's where all the women were.

2.  Third-party SL and virtual world forums like gV, SC MKII, SLU, RLetc, Utherforums, etc.  I've met some charming and articulate and funny men on forums and the friendship has carried over into SL inworld (and sometimes the real world).  

3.  Voice clubs.  (I know that one is sticky, because voice is controversial and not for everyone, but this is a list of where I have met men who are anywhere near like your description and this is where and how I met many of them.  I met one particularly charming man because he was telling stories and jokes in voice and I could hear him and "got him" and I  shot him some funny and appreciative IMs and the next thing I knew he'd swept me off my feet and we were ballroom dancing and I was swooning.)

4.  Introductions from friends.  I also return the favor.

5.  A furry bar.  (I was there as a curious human initially.  Total fish out of water, but open and curious.  I return because there are some nice and intelligent people there.  Many of the furry men I've met tend to favor a kind of old world solicitous affectation that can be quite charming.  My apologies to any furries who might be offended by that description.)

6.  One of the most charming men I've ever met in Second Life (dancing, conversation, dedictated a song to me, serenaded me) I met by accident when I wandered into a BDSM club in the middle of a mall.

7.  Sex sims.  Yeah, sometimes the charming and intelligent guys go there for quickies and you strike a conversation and then next thing you know you've been talking for two hours.

8.  Dance clubs.  Sweethearts Jazz, Bogarts, New York Ballroom, places like that. 

I have found that my own journey, if you will, in Second Life has been one of trial-and-error and distillation.  I know what I want and I am a student of how to get it and I'm pretty good at it now.  But it can be quite a bit of work.

I've actually posted and blogged a lot about my experience as a cybersexer in Second Life and the Utherverse.  If you're at all curious, check it out here:  http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/.

After five years, I would think you either need to give it up (the two goals) or make some serious changes.  But then I guess that's why you started this thread.

Good luck.

And if some guy IMs you out of the blue and says he's a friend of Lee...say hello and be nice to him, will ya?   "

I actually have more to say on this subject.  No surprise there, eh?  But I'll say it later.  I will leave this teaser. I think Moni could benefit from the old sales cycle and maybe some color training too. 

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/What-s-wrong-with-men/td-p/988201/highlight/false
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/What-s-wrong-with-men/m-p/990189#M4844

ETA:

Moni Duettmann said:

"I have to thank everyone for many interesting and insightful answers. Although you don't know me, you have given me enough to think about for a good while. I understand that there is something in the content that has something to do with myself personally. Of course! But the phenomenon I am referring to rather has to do with the flirt approach of my fellow citizens in SL - I think... I don't understand some replies that draw a connection to RL. I am looking for flirts in SL, not RL. And of course all the specifications that count for anything else in SL, count for the romantic part too. I can separate RL and SL easily.

Maybe I have to explain. For me the Second Life experience gets much better with a romantic background. It makes me feel good all the time and makes me want to log in again. I love the playful side of it. How serious it can get depends on the person you do it with. I think RL should be full of love too, but we all know how reality is most of the time for most of the people. In SL romance should sort of be the base of the game, at least that's what I think and expect. Why refrain from it, when you can have it? I know how to spend my time, my life in SL isn't empty at all, I build and script and meet people for all kinds of common activities, but I miss a love that takes care of me. And that's why I often feel like a flower nobody wants to pick. I believe, if men knew what women really want, they would dare much more!"

Psychological Coercion In Forced Sex RolePlay (FSRP)

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