My own totally subjective ...non-researched conclusion...is that sl is FULL of people with mental-health problems...this stirs my compassion...but not my desire to wanna get to know you better.
Yeah, well that's one of the Second Life cultural chestnut jokes for a reason, isn't it?
Orfeu and I agree that there seems to be a lot (anecdotally disproportionate even) of people with mental and physical health issues in Second Life, and the virtual world forums attached to Second Life, who are drawn to Second Life and the forums because of a number of reasons, but often because they can do things in Second Life and the forums they cannot do, or cannot do easily, in First Life.
I think Orfeu might agree with me, however, that there are delightful people you meet and happily get to know in Second Life who inform you that they have mental health issues, whether it be bipolar disorder or social anxiety disorder or some kind of gender dysphoria and then there are people who, to put it in crass layman's language born out of frustrated experience, are batshit fucking crazy and toxic as hell who you do not want to get near with a ten-meter-pixel pole, let alone get to know. It's like the example Cody and Orfeu and I discussed earlier about the profile with the likes and dislikes. There's a qualitative difference in tone and effect that makes all the difference.
The realization, again, I know I'm speaking anecdotally, that there was such a significant mental health component to virtual worlds and their forums, got me really interested in that teeth-in, curiosity kind of way. I'm fascinated. I've done a lot of layman's research on the subject and have done some exploration in Second Life with that sole interest in mind. Orfeu, for example, directed me to a place in Second Life in which, not only could you read about schizophrenia, but you could "experience" it through the scripted activities you could try. I've got some screen shots and links. I'll bring 'em over and post 'em. Anyway, I obviously have a lot more to say on this subject. So you know what's coming.
At any rate, one thing I do want to be clear about, is that I'm not driven to reduce my sphere of friends and acquaintances to those with "perfect" physical and mental health. One, that would be impossible and two, it would be foolish and I would miss out on so much. I do, however, have a healthy radar for toxicity and I have a healthy sense of self-preservation.
I'm not averse to small talk, but I wouldn't start in with questions so generic I could be asking anybody in the room. I'd ask something pointed about the person I'm talking with. Names, group titles, clothing, etc make better ice breakers. If those don't work, I'd at least start with a little tasteful humor.
My answers are Over four/Yes, but not with you/Second Life. The conversation ends there.
Many conversations I have go like this:
THEM: hiME: 'loTHEM: ???
And again, the conversation ends there.
How do I hit on a woman? I'll see if I can find the thread in the Jive forums to which I contributed a little, but was started and mainly features LearJeff's take on cynical seduction at Sweetheart's or similar places, where usually the women are looking for romance and the men for a partner that'll give them rights to their property so the guy has somewhere private his alts can take their other pickups.
Usually I'll just stand around until a brave soul compliments me on my profile, at which point I'll ask them exactly what it was about my profile they enjoyed, which can either lead to embarrassment, tongue-tiedness or an insight into their motivation for approaching me. I'll already have checked out *their* profile of course, and have some apparently "ad lib" comment to throw in, usually related to:
1. You're a n00b aren't you; can I help you with your profile while we dance?
2. You're trying to hide from/get over someone, aren't you; want to tell me about it while we dance?
3. You're a pleasure alt, aren't you; do I already know you and if so do you want to give me clues while we dance? and so on.
I tend to intimidate because I type fast which allows me to use an unusual vocabulary without having to rely on preprepared scripts. If they can cope with that, a beautiful friendship generally blooms.
Pep (99% of encounters don't get to that stage of nirvana.)
PS And then after about three months of attempting to change my attitude they get upset at the honesty of my meanness - or should that be meanness of my honesty - and decide they don't want anything more to do with me.
My batting average is not very high in this area. I enjoy company and conversation, however, I seem to only attract techie girls. I like to compliment the woman I am with. I'll list some of the compliments I have used in the past:
- I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves. - If I was an enzyme, I'd be helicase so I could unzip your genes. - You overclock my processor. - You have nicer legs than an Isosceles right triangle. - You're so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. - You know.. it's not the length of the vector that counts ... it's how you apply the force - You're so gneiss I'll never take you for granite.
With compliments like the ones I offer it is no wonder that I fall into a barrel of boobs and get up sucking my thumb.
Not exactly a pick-up technique for me, since I'm just looking for interesting conversations and the occasional new friend, but I've had all sorts of interesting discussions start when I take someone's picture and inv them a copy. A tiny percentage of people are nervous at first ("uh oh, a stalker!") but when that happens I say that I do it to everyone, and that reassures them.Most people are flattered, I think.
It's definitely much more effective in getting someone's interest if you comment on something in their profile (or on the emptiness of their profile if necessary!) or something they're wearing or whatever, rather than saying something generic. I must hang out in classy places or somethingbecause I hardly ever get to be amused by inept pickup lines. Back when I lived on PIER a newb boy did drop out of the sky and hang around my shack for awhile, and then claim that he didn't know how poseballs worked and could I show him with my bed. That was so amusingly blatant that I said Sure and set it on a "chatting" pose and told him now you sit on the blue ball...
And the instant we were both sitting he switched it to "doggie" or something. I immediately stood up and switched to my boy skin and shape; he was a bit nonplussed.Weirdly, he said something like "show it to me", meaning my boy-parts, perhaps on the theory that since he'd been hitting on me I must not really be a boy, and therefore wouldn't have any boy parts to show. hahaha He also came back a couple more times (when I was a girl again) and landed and said "dale sex please".
