Sunday, August 14, 2011

This Man's Questions (Storm...and Perrie... Asks)

Storm Clarence said:
"Is the political correctness in today's world suppressing the heterosexual relationship? Is political correctness and feminism attempting to stifle heterosexual men? Is the display of a heterosexual relationship on the cusp of extinction? Does the heterosexual man need to 'hide' his sexuality - his identity when he is in the presence of non-heteros?
What is the view of the heterosexual man who posts in a LBGTI forum? Do I, as a heterosexual man, have anything to offer? My sexuality is tied to the relationships I form. Aren't gay issues *relationship* issues, too? If not, what is specific to the gay man that is not specific to me - unless it's all only about the 'sexual activity,' and not the relationship itself?
Must I defend my sexuality? Must a gay man defend his sexuality? Why is one singled out over the other for a 'specific' forum? Who really cares if the relationship is MM, MF, or FF. Shouldn't it be about issues we face in relationships: treating one another with kindness, humor, reasoning, compassion, compromise; and discussing the issues that lead to unhealthy types of relationships, or how to build better relationships?"

Perrie Juran said:
"Sometimes it seems difficult and even frustrating at times to be a Vanilla Male. I meet girls who at least initially I like and think I would like to get to know better but then I read their profiles and feel like there is no way I could ever satisfy them. Yes, there really are girls out there who are into swinging from the chandeliers with bisexual furry skunks. And in public no less!!!!!
Is their really much room left for a simple Vanilla guy here?"

Lee says:

"Do I, as a heterosexual man, have anything to offer?"
Yes.  Come over here and make me an offer.  

"Is their really much room left for a simple Vanilla guy here?"

Where's "here"?  (the LGBTI-only forum? the Lifestyles & Relationship forum? Second Life? Real life?)

Yes, but it I admit I imagine it would be a little tough for a simple Vanilla guy in the fetish fantasyland of adult Second Life.  In the real world, and the parts of Second Life that most want to be like the real world, simple Vanilla guys become extremely appealing to many heterosexual women over 30.


Link:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/This-Man-s-Questions/m-p/825001/message-uid/825001#U825001

Having said that...

Okay, I have sought revenge in my own way.  I've splurged on tickets and gone to the big concert the ex wanted to see.  I've cut my hair shorter than the ex liked.  I've cleaned the house, ordered take-out, controlled the remote, spread out in the bed, turned the air up or down and reclaimed my space.  I've gone clubbing with my girlfriends and flirted up a storm.  Best of all?  I've had a good time.

Hell Hath No Fury

I don't really do revenge or payback or what-have-you with regard to romantic or sexual relationships.  There are a number of reasons for this, not the least of which is that it prolongs the agony and creates a kind of mental tag in the brain.

I had a friend/roommate, back in my youth, who went through a truly terrible break-up with her boyfriend.  Many things happened, but eventually the man took a new woman to the restaurant my friend's sister (and fellow roommate) worked in as a waitress.  He flaunted the date, the sister called my friend and in a fit of vengeful rage, my friend drove to the restaurant, marched inside, confronted the man and his date, told the date the man had an STD, flounced out the door, slashed the man's tires and keyed his car or some such thing.  She then drove home and righteously marched herself back inside our apartment.  Doors slammed, music blared and so forth.  At this point I was at home and gingerly made inquiries and was told the full story.

I had the sense to realize that this was a "just listen" moment, so that's what I did.  I just listened and heard my friend out as she ranted and vented her considerable ire.  I had a lot of thoughts about what she was telling me, but few of them were appropriate to share and none of them would have cooled her fiery temper.  So, I just listened and nodded occasionally and kept my mental fingers crossed that this would be the end of it.

Several days later my friend told me, with some bewildered indignation, that she had told a couple of people at her workplace about the incident and that she and her story had not been greeted with enthusiastic and unequivocal support.  Again, I perceived this to be a "just listen" moment.  Eventually, she said, "you would have done the same."  That's when I decided the "just listen" moment was over.

"No, I would not have done the same and you know I would not have done the same.  Never in the years you have known me have you seen me do anything like what you did or anything to indicate that I would do anything like what you did.  It's not a choice I would make."

She was a little huffy, but she wanted to talk about it, so we did.  I told her that if a relationship is over and ends badly, I don't want to prolong it or cement it further in my head.  If the guy turns out to be a creep, then I want nothing, absolutely nothing, more to do with him.  Her body, tense with her anger, relaxed in a kind of defeat.  She confessed to me that her actions had been so violent and so vivid that she was reliving them in her dreams at night.

I think it takes strength, maturity, and a helluvalot of self-discipline not to lash out at someone at the bad end of a tempestuous or painful relationship, and frankly, the fact that it takes all that, reinforces my belief that not seeking revenge is the right thing to do.

One woman's opinion.

Advice for the Lovelorn (Stormy Weather)

"Do you have questions about love, relationships, or sex?" on http://community.secondlife.com.

SilverMadison said:
"Second Life Public Access TV is proud to announce "Ask Thea!" our brand new advice show!
If you have questions about relationships, love, or sex feel free to email Thea at AskTheaDee@gmail.com
Your question may be answered on air and in front of our live studio audience.
Ask Thea! will premiere this fall on Second Life Public Access TV and will star the beautiful and feisty TheaDee!"

squashy Beeswing said:
"Well, i want to know what her credentials are first."

Sigmund Leominster said:
"For those who want a more non-directive, non-personal approach, I have a Rogerian AI bot and a replica of Freud's couch in-world, which you are more than welcome to talk to. My bot doesn't judge you, doesn't pretend to have answers, and often gives some quirky and bizarre responses. Howver, there are times when flashes of brilliance shine through and you can sneak a tiny peek into your subconscious. Just IM me and I'll send you a LM to my Therapy Platform in th Sky."

Storm said:
"This.
This.
This."

squashy Beeswing said:
"Storm, you need your own 2 hour 'special' with all that you've got going on."

valerie Inshan said:
"LOL, Storm is famous 24 hours a day. Full time job."

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Do-you-have-questions-about-love-relationships-or-sex/td-p/1033019
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Wanted/Do-you-want-your-own-Second-life-TV-show/m-p/1035575
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/General-Discussions/How-do-I-make-her-love-me/m-p/498508/highlight/true#M242727
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/This-Man-s-Questions/m-p/825001/message-uid/825001#U825001
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/General-Discussions/Confessions-and-apologies-of-a-serial-SL-heartbreaker/m-p/492885/highlight/true#M239184


An Object Lesson in Bad Break-Ups

Here:  http://ladysakai.wordpress.com/2011/08/10/gtfo/  &  http://ladysakai.wordpress.com/2011/08/13/gtfo-part2-now-blackmail/

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Tools of Amusement

"Ha" is a laugh.  It can also be used to express a moment of triumph.
"Hah" is also a laugh or an expression of triumph.
"Ha, ha, ha" is laughter.
"Ah ha" is used for discovery and accusation.
"Hee" is a giggle.
"Tee-hee" is also a giggle and sometimes derisive and/or impish.
"Hee hee hee" is a lot of giggling.
"Heh" is a wicked and mischievous sound of amusement and possible mayhem.

Use them wisely.

Expanding Your Fantasy...1950 or 2011? Which Country?

Ceka Cianci said:
"i haven't really read all this thread..just a few of the posts...
i think the best way to find a man in SL is to not look for them..and when they find you and IM you act as innocent as you can..
let some things go over your head..especially if it is them trying to flirt early on...
do a few subject changes from the flirts like you never caught onto it..
let a few of them hit and respond with little giggles here and there..
basically just treat them like any other person IMing..and that sex and romance is the farthest thing from your mind..
it seems to work really well for me..because i don't really look for men in sl and i have a hard time figuring out when they are flirting with me..i talk alot about lots of things so i may change the subject 5 times before i am finished explaining something hehehehe(see that giggle i slid in there?) hehehe( whoops did it again hehehe) (Ceka stop giggling and finish)Aaaanyways..i giggle a lot and i basically treat everyone about the same..
sex and romance is really something that is the farthest thing from my mind..
i always giggle when i catch onto a flirt..
oh and always talk about interesting things..like the weather..they really like that a lot :smileytongue: "

 

Blog Content Reminder (Adult XXX)

Just a reminder to anyone who might wander over to this blog:  the content here is adult XXX and then some.  Not for the young, faint of heart or sexually conservative.  Proceed with caution.

More qualifiers here:  http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/thats-what-she-said.html

nsfw

Are you really enjoying?

The bold opportunism of men amuses me.  No really.  I know this kind of behavior has the potential to annoy people, and rightly so, but it often makes me smile.



  • Second Life
  • Sex alt (mine)
  • Hotel room on bed
  • Having sex with a man
  • Interrupted by IM from a second man


O & V Man (not the one on the bed) IMs me.


Opportunistic and voyeuristic man: omg, i wish to be him
Opportunistic and voyeuristic man: are you really enjoying now?




Opportunistic and voyeuristic man: well, you said, maybe one day
Opportunistic and voyeuristic man: why not today?


Hey.  Dude's a closer.  I can appreciate that.



Couple of notes:
1.  There are "private" rooms all over Second Life.  People still walk in, see that there is an intimate moment occurring between two avatars and plant themselves at the foot of the bed to watch.  If they had popcorn handy, I'm sure they'd munch it and drop crumbs on the bed.  And yes, sometimes, often even, they IM one or both of the people busy on the bed.
2.  People also cam in to watch.
3.  It's the internet.  Privacy is an illusion or a luxury... or something.
4.  Yes, it is extremely common to be interrupted by an IM from a man who is observing or has just observed you having sex, who knows you are busy, to try to cadge a lay or schedule an appointment for one...and they can be quite aggressive about it.
5.  Yes, men will employ a "yeah, but are you really into him, enjoying him, how much fun could he really be compared to me, etc." play to cockblock a guy and get the girl.  Happens in real life too.  You'll sometimes hear guys talking about gals in committed relationships (with a boyfriend) who aren't married who see those women as available and fair game.  "Hey, she's not married."

It's Not Me, It's You...

Was I being too subtle?  Sending mixed messages perhaps?


  • Second Life
  • Sex alt (mine)
  • Rape (FSRP) sim
  • RLV enabled
  • Sitting in a chair


Guy activates the RLV, puts me on a poseball, rips off all my clothes and starts cyberfucking.

Guy initiates IM.


Guy: looks kinda sudden
Me: Says the man in control.
Guy: hehe
Guy: and what does the trapped girl like
Guy: forced sex?

(We're in a public forced sex sim and I'm wearing an RLV sitting next to poseballs that are all forced sex positions and acts.  But I suppose clarification and confirmation is good when you're talking about rape and ravishment fantasies.)

Me: You have me pinned down in a rape sim. I think it's about what you like.
Guy: i just came to see

(If I had $L for every time a guy said that to me...)

Guy: this sim
Me laughs.
Guy: reallyu not my type

(Alrighty then.  I'm all for cutting bait.)

Me: And now you've seen.

(I hop off the ball and get ready to TP out of there.)

Guy: yeah
Guy: really not my type

(I heard ya the first time.  I'm not your type.   I got it.  Sheesh.  I'm now back at my sandbox getting dressed.)

Guy: this sim i mean

(Oh suuuurrre.  Now you say that.)

And y'all wonder why I harp on and on about good, clear communication.



Links:
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/read-your-audience-play-to-room.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/wannafuckers-tissue-one-hour-stands-in.html

I'll Take Care Of That (3 men, 1 toilet)

I got this from Perrie Juran.




Links:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSKL3ohnr3A
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/What-s-wrong-with-men/m-p/990199#M4847

Confessions and apologies of a serial SL heartbreaker... (Jan-28-2011)

I stole this from Storm.  Always looking for the male perspective, ya know.

"Your world, your imagination! I say it over and over.
I am a serial heartbreaker.
I want to apologise to all the women (and some men) who I have hurt. You see, I got into this game called 'SecondLife' because it advertized itself as 'Your world. Your imagination.': the perfect RP game! Since I rezzed nearly one year ago, I have been meeting women and enjoying the game as my self-styled 'Casanova' character. Suave, debonair, witty, sexy, a manly man! I have been very successful, too. I have had a series of 'relationships' with women, in a couple instances, a few at a time, all of which have ended with me 'moving on'. Oh, there have been the requisite tears and sobbing from the women (and some men) but that was all part of the RP, or so I assumed. In fact, I feel fairly certain that one or two of my alts may be responsible for some of the anguish I have recently read in this forum.
If it is me that you are targeting with this pain, I deeply apologize. I know many of you are offended by this man's actions: I can't help myself, I am a Casanova, a heartbreaker - it's what I do. It's who I am. It's my world, my imagination.
As soon as I rezzed and got my bearings (i.e., a makeover) I began to express my imagination with the myriad of female avies who threw themselves at me. Oh, it was easy to meet you. Most of the time, you IM'ed me out of the blue, sometimes from several hundred meters away telling me how attractive I was and how you were lonely and did I want to dance. You all wanted a piece of Storm - and why not, I created the most hansome of avatars, I conversed in more than one sentence, and I was available. I told each of you I loved you - that each was the only one for me - I had sensuous, deep, fulfilling pixel sex with you. On the bright side, I did not charge you as an escort would - I did not regurgitate empty lines of love - I did love you - all of you.
You were very happy, too.
It was all part of the RP. I played the handsome Casanova willing to sweep you off your feet. And, why not? Your world. Your imagination. I know now (from reading a few OP's over the past few days) that many of you felt like I was 'the one', your SL dreamboat come true, the one who would be 'forever yours'. My RP skills are wonderful but, so are yours! Well, once or twice I nearly got caught posting my love message to the wrong IM when I was with you. If you do not remember that time, it is because I diverted you with romance, rezzed the TenderLove, and swept you off your feet. You enjoyed it! It was what you wanted and still do! I felt happy with you.
So, ladies (and some men,) it is time for you, too, to 'move on'. Now that you have expressed your grief and anguish publically in the forum, received many emotive responses, you must move on! Do not fret, I have kept a list of names and will not approach you with my alts as I now know that you were not engaged in RP with me.
Don't you all agree: Your world, your imagination? I thought I was playing SL the right way.
Enjoy!
PS Marked as a question because I ask one."

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/General-Discussions/Confessions-and-apologies-of-a-serial-SL-heartbreaker/m-p/492885/highlight/true#M239184

Moni's Men (Part II)

The next set of questions I would ask Moni if I were to continue the interview would be of no surprise to anyone what has read the "That's What She Said" blog or gV thread.  There's a wide variety of people and purposes in fantasyland and you have to qualify your prospects and set realistic and appropriate expectations.

So, Moni...

1.  How do you like your cybersex?  Pure text?  ParaRP?  Text and poseballs?  Poseballs and voice?  Second Life only or move to Skype voice and vid?  Exchange real-life pics and information?  Potential for real-life meeting?  Straight vanilla or kinky fetish fantasy?

2.  Are you age verified?  Are you gender verified?

3.  How do you like you relationships?  Second Life only or carryover to real life?  Visions of virtual weddings in your head or visions of real life romance?

4.  What do you do in Second Life?  Dance?  Hang out in 80s, blue or trance clubs?  Go to live music concerts?  Play cops and robbers?  Bloodlines?  Shoot stuff?  Build?  Design?  Sell?  Volunteer?  Take classes?  Human avatar or furry or vampire or demon or dolly or what?

5.  Do you speak any other languages (other than English)?  Are you open to other cultures and patient with people practicing English as their second language?

6.  Do you have an appealing profile that avoids the clich├ęs and pitfalls of virtual worlds and online dating?  Does your profile indicate what you want?

7.  Do you use the SL tools of chat logs and note tabs effectively?

8.  Are you an immersionist or an augmentationist?  Are you an extrovert or introvert?  Which tribes are you associated with?

9.  How about the Bartle Test?  Are you an achiever, explorer, socializer or killer?  A friend, griefer, hacker, networker, opportunist, planner, politician or scientist?

10.  Who and what are you in Second Life and what do you do?

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/What-s-wrong-with-men/td-p/988201/highlight/false
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/08/whats-wrong-with-men.html
http://slcreativity.org/wiki/index.php?title=Augmentation_vs_Immersion
http://www.rletc.com/showthread.php?2554-Augmentationist-or-Immersionist
http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2008/02/self-and-second.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartle_Test
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/attached-committed-free-clear-or-in.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/fear-of-other-text-vs-voice.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/virtual-world-tribes.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/sales-cycle-of-cybersex-probing.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/sales-cycle-of-cybersex-opener.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/read-your-audience-play-to-room.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/pro-tip-little-black-books-profile.html
http://generalleehere.blogspot.com

What's Wrong With Men?

Moni Duettmann asks, "What's wrong with men?"
"I am close to celebrating my fifth SL birthday soon and I consider myself an open, intelligent, friendly and good-looking person (well, someone else should make that last statement, I know! :-)), but believe me: in all those 5 years I have never met a man who seriously had tried to seduce me. I'm not talking about weirdos jumping into the scene and offering instant f.... I mean decent, romantic, witty, nice, but determined approaches with a goal - to get me laid, or perhaps to start a relationship. Mostly men seem to be content with hearing (reading) themselves talk or, in the vast majority, they don't even try to talk to me, or tge conversations ends after 2 and a half sentences. When interested I always try to steer the conversation into the desired sweet sexy romantic direction, but the men don't seem to "get it". Are they too shy? Are they not interested? Am I not explicit enough (but where is romanticism)? I have been approached by women several times and out of curiosity and lack of men even started a few relationships. But still... I don't get it... Isn't SL the Eldorado for virtual sex? But where is it? Where are the lady killers?"

Well, ya know something like that would tempt a tl;dr style wall o'text from me.

Lee said:

"Fun post.  You got a lot of responses already and I had multiple responses pop into my head too just reading your OP.


First off, I see you say you want either sex or a relationship.  I think your first-mentioned goal, which appears to be a witty, adult, sexy, romantic, fun seduction for sex is a completely understandable one.  It's also a very, very tall, but not impossible order.

Your second-mentioned goal appears to be a witty, adult, sexy, romantic, fun seduction for a relationship.  Also a tall, but not impossible order, although this one is even more complicated.

So breaking it down:

Yes
Seduced for romantic sex
Seduced for relationship
Decent, romantic, witty, nice, confident, skilled, determined, assertive
Good listeners
Lady killers
Sometimes women

No
Wanna**bleep**er sex
Base down-and-dirty quickies
Weirdos
Transmit-only talkers
Shy, insecure, undecided, noncommital

A couple of the things you don't say, though vital to this discussion in a virtual environment is...

First off, what level of importance do you give to the real-life status of the men in Second Life?  I say this because in my experience, which is not some all-encompassing truth, many men in Second Life, particularly mature ones who have some game, have a real-life wife or girlfriend and a Second Life wife or girlfriend and a bunch of Second Life friends with benefits and places they go trawling for snacks and quickies or some combination thereof, and many of the men who are decent, romantic, witty, nice, confident, skilled, determined, assertive or some combination thereof, are often men with, at a minimum, a real-life wife.  So I don't know if the man's real-life relationship status is an issue for you or not.

Also, considering how very, very tall your order is, you don't really say a whole lot about what you are doing.  Where do you go?  Where are you looking?  What do you do?

I have met some men who were seductive, men who might have appealed to you.  Which is actually ironic, because I tend to go into Second Life for one of two things and in one of two mindsets.  1.  Wanna**bleep**er sex.  2.  Sexless fun with friends or on my own exploring.  I don't go into Second Life for wine and dine romance and potential relationships.  

That said, I do end up meeting seductive, charming men who want one or the other or both (romantic sex and romantic relationships) and try to slow me down and get my mind of a dirty quickie or off the exploration of another sim for a blog post.

Here's where I have met the seductive men who can hold a good conversation and make a move.

1.  Lar's Place.  It's a bar for older men and young women, but it got so popular (older men are like diamonds and catnip in SL) that younger men started going there because that's where all the women were.

2.  Third-party SL and virtual world forums like gV, SC MKII, SLU, RLetc, Utherforums, etc.  I've met some charming and articulate and funny men on forums and the friendship has carried over into SL inworld (and sometimes the real world).  

3.  Voice clubs.  (I know that one is sticky, because voice is controversial and not for everyone, but this is a list of where I have met men who are anywhere near like your description and this is where and how I met many of them.  I met one particularly charming man because he was telling stories and jokes in voice and I could hear him and "got him" and I  shot him some funny and appreciative IMs and the next thing I knew he'd swept me off my feet and we were ballroom dancing and I was swooning.)

4.  Introductions from friends.  I also return the favor.

5.  A furry bar.  (I was there as a curious human initially.  Total fish out of water, but open and curious.  I return because there are some nice and intelligent people there.  Many of the furry men I've met tend to favor a kind of old world solicitous affectation that can be quite charming.  My apologies to any furries who might be offended by that description.)

6.  One of the most charming men I've ever met in Second Life (dancing, conversation, dedictated a song to me, serenaded me) I met by accident when I wandered into a BDSM club in the middle of a mall.

7.  Sex sims.  Yeah, sometimes the charming and intelligent guys go there for quickies and you strike a conversation and then next thing you know you've been talking for two hours.

8.  Dance clubs.  Sweethearts Jazz, Bogarts, New York Ballroom, places like that. 

I have found that my own journey, if you will, in Second Life has been one of trial-and-error and distillation.  I know what I want and I am a student of how to get it and I'm pretty good at it now.  But it can be quite a bit of work.

I've actually posted and blogged a lot about my experience as a cybersexer in Second Life and the Utherverse.  If you're at all curious, check it out here:  http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/.

After five years, I would think you either need to give it up (the two goals) or make some serious changes.  But then I guess that's why you started this thread.

Good luck.

And if some guy IMs you out of the blue and says he's a friend of Lee...say hello and be nice to him, will ya?   :smileywink:"

I actually have more to say on this subject.  No surprise there, eh?  But I'll say it later.  I will leave this teaser. I think Moni could benefit from the old sales cycle and maybe some color training too. :smileywink:

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/What-s-wrong-with-men/td-p/988201/highlight/false
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/What-s-wrong-with-men/m-p/990189#M4844

ETA:

Moni Duettmann said:
"I have to thank everyone for many interesting and insightful answers. Although you don't know me, you have given me enough to think about for a good while. I understand that there is something in the content that has something to do with myself personally. Of course! But the phenomenon I am referring to rather has to do with the flirt approach of my fellow citizens in SL - I think... I don't understand some replies that draw a connection to RL. I am looking for flirts in SL, not RL. And of course all the specifications that count for anything else in SL, count for the romantic part too. I can separate RL and SL easily.
Maybe I have to explain. For me the Second Life experience gets much better with a romantic background. It makes me feel good all the time and makes me want to log in again. I love the playful side of it. How serious it can get depends on the person you do it with. I think RL should be full of love too, but we all know how reality is most of the time for most of the people. In SL romance should sort of be the base of the game, at least that's what I think and expect. Why refrain from it, when you can have it? I know how to spend my time, my life in SL isn't empty at all, I build and script and meet people for all kinds of common activities, but I miss a love that takes care of me. And that's why I often feel like a flower nobody wants to pick. I believe, if men knew what women really want, they would dare much more!"
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