Noted.
I've said more than once that I was repeating his description, using his words of how he uses Second Life for sexual play and gratification, in addition to referencing a phrase used here in gV by others. I can see how my posts and my discussion of his stance and those posts might appear to be an assumption on my part about "emotional extortion" and I can see how much one might assume about my apparent assumptions from my posts. I also do truly note your rejection of any assumption that there is such a thing as "emotional extortion."
Maybe I should speak more for myself and my actual assumptions now since you raise the question. I think there is such a thing as emotional coercion (I used the phrase "emotional extortion," because, as I said earlier, that phrase had been used here in gV and I was likening the two situations and descriptions), but I think of it more often in non-virtual world, real life settings, although I do not discount its possibility or even existence in the virtual realm. People experience very real emotions in the virtual realm and are subject to manipulation and I suppose if I were to use my own words with regard to the specific example of the man I met in Second Life, I'd say something more like "emotional manipulation" or "emotional coercion." I think that is what he is attempting, at least, and I suspect he finds some people with whom he is successful.
The thing is I am not certain what the level of agreement is when he engages in his chosen play. I don't have enough information to hazard a good guess, but based on what I have observed, I would say that my not-so-good guess is that he does not always go about the more formal and accepted process for consensual roleplay. Many of us have seen people discuss a roleplay and establish the scene and the boundaries and agree to take on the parts...say a pirate and a wench, for example, clearly fantasy roles involved in fantasy roleplay that might include OOC asides and safe words. But many of us have also seen situations in which one party is roleplaying and the other party is not roleplaying and the boundaries and expectations were not clearly defined up front and there are no OOC breaks to highlight the difference...say a boyfriend and girlfriend scenario, for example, not so clearly fantasy roles or roleplay. Then we see forum posts about how the party who thought it was a realrelationship was deeply wounded by the discovery of the fact that the other party perceived the relationship as a "'toon fantasy" and dropped it like a cancelled sitcom. There's a tremendous disconnect among the various people in virtual worlds and their perceptions and expectations and usage of the platforms...I know, stating the bleeding obvious. My point is that I am not sure the man I am talking about makes the effort to ensure he is engaging in consensual roleplay when he plays and I'm not sure that if he doesn't, that he doesn't make that effort on purpose. Does he encounter many women who, like me, realize that he is roleplaying and therefore make an informed decision? Probably. Does he encounter any women who do not realize he is roleplaying and therefore make an ill or uninformed decision? Maybe. And is that emotionally manipulative on his part? Yeah, I'd say it is. Heck, I think we may even need to define "roleplay" for the purpose of this discussion about this man.
The other thing that is interesting to me about this particular guy and the scenario I described is that in his own way he "qualified" me...like the sales qualifying I've been describing in this thread. I said he'd tried twice with me and "never hit a home run," which sounds like he tried and I rebuffed his attempts, but the truth of the matter is that it never got far enough for me to reject his roleplay really, because he determined I was not a suitable partner for him. This guy roleplays on two levels. He roleplays the "real" interaction and then he roleplays the roleplay. I could and probably will say more about that, because it interests me, but this post is long enough already and it would be a major digression.
I'm actually sorry I cannot make the man in question available here to answer questions on the subject. It could be enlightening, entertaining or both.
Really?
We're just talking here, right?
Although as I look back at the amount of my reply, I'd have to say maybe you were right.
I do appreciate your posts and the opportunity they afford me to think and talk more about this. Thank you.
Make you make me? Cute.
Now if one or both of us gets any kind of sexual gratification out of this exchange, well, we might have ourselves an FSRP roleplay. Rawr.
Showing posts with label roleplay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label roleplay. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Psychological Coercion In Forced Sex RolePlay (FSRP)
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Mute Me
There's a Second Life oldbie who likes to humiliate women and use psychological force to get them to tell him their real life secrets. His words, his description, not mine. He also likes to insist on being muted. He doesn't like teases and he doesn't like turds. He says he finds way too many of both in Second Life.
Like I said, his words, not mine. He's never hit a home run with me. He's tried twice and ended up demanding I mute him both times. I declined. The subject of "emotional extortion" has come up in this forum. I'd say that's a definite component as I've seen him try to leverage the idea of both SL and RL suicide in his play. He's also verbally abusive in a manipulative manner...trying to elicit a "no, no, I'm not that way, let me prove it to you," kind of reaction, for example. He tries to present himself as a wounded project in need of a good woman and then turn the tables. Even the demand to be muted is a manipulative act in his roleplay. He wants to force the woman to actively cancel him out.
He's interesting, but he's not unique.
He's interesting, but he's not unique.
Pervy Cinema Fantasy
I did a couple of roleplays in SL that looked a little something like this with a...satisfyingly fun partner. Delicious.
![[IMG]](http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_letn9j8HAc1qfy1jro1_500.jpg)
Hot for Teacher: Cybersex With a Naughty Professor
How's this for a close-for-cybersex line from a roleplaying Professor?
"Ms. ______, I write this out of what I hope is mutual concern… As your instructor, I can no longer ignore some troublesome developments. While past work indicates your ambition as well as your intelligence, present work does not… I strongly suggest you schedule a conference with me to discuss how we might collectively refocus your efforts toward more stimulating ends. –Dr. S."
Hot for Teacher: Cybersex With a Naughty Professor
Funny you should mention that.
"In particular, I'd fantasize about a German professor who'd taken a liking to me as a freshman: early fifties, tall, awkward, with a teddy bear build and a devilish twinkle. In my preferred scenario, he graded papers while I hid beneath his big wooden desk, my head between his legs."
and
"Dr. S and I got together that week on Gchat and acted out a scene: I come to his office for a stern talking to, only to seduce him into throwing me over his desk and taking me from behind. It lasted almost two hours."
Well heeellooo, Doc. ![[IMG]](http://i602.photobucket.com/albums/tt104/MissLee_photos/PDA%20Smilies/th_WinkKiss.gif?t=1299889504)
"Ms. ______, I write this out of what I hope is mutual concern… As your instructor, I can no longer ignore some troublesome developments. While past work indicates your ambition as well as your intelligence, present work does not… I strongly suggest you schedule a conference with me to discuss how we might collectively refocus your efforts toward more stimulating ends. –Dr. S."
Hot for Teacher: Cybersex With a Naughty Professor
"In particular, I'd fantasize about a German professor who'd taken a liking to me as a freshman: early fifties, tall, awkward, with a teddy bear build and a devilish twinkle. In my preferred scenario, he graded papers while I hid beneath his big wooden desk, my head between his legs."
and
"Dr. S and I got together that week on Gchat and acted out a scene: I come to his office for a stern talking to, only to seduce him into throwing me over his desk and taking me from behind. It lasted almost two hours."
Either You Suck Or It's Just Not a Match
Well, maybe the "suck" part, but then it would depend on the context and the man, I think. Telling someone you don't wish to play anymore is not rude though. Potentially awkward, yes. Rude, no.
I do find that some women can be unnecessarily harsh with men in a way that just makes me cringe and want to apologize for my gender. It's that whole pound of flesh thing. You can tell someone that you are not enjoying the play and that you wish to stop without unleashing the hounds of hyperbolic-ghetto-blasting-diva hell on some poor guy.
I would prefer, if limited to these choices, that someone fake a crash, play dumb or hide (temporarily) over continuing to cyber with someone they are not enjoying though. Really. What the hell are you doing otherwise?
I personally handle this particular problem a number of ways, the most common of which is that I just say, "Hey, you know what? I don't think we're a match." Different styles, choices, preferences, whatever, but not a match. Then, depending on whether I feel it is worth saying more, I might say something about how it was nice to meet, "thank you for asking me," "good thing we found out early and can move on to find something that suits us both better" and "enjoy your day," and then I excuse myself and leave. Then I open up the "Notes" tab on his profile and type "No" and a short line on why. And then I move on.
Here's an extremely generalized rule of thumb.
The Joe Wannafuckers who treat you like a game construct and approach you with random TPs or lines like "Wanna fuck" or "Get on your knees and suck me bitch," and then hop on a poseball and press the menu button like a manic lab rat on cocaine while not making any real effort to engage with you are not gonna lose one iota of momentum if you tell them they "suck at cyber" and you don't want to play anymore. Choosing to either stick with it until he is done or, God help you, repeatedly agreeing to have cybersex with him, or sending him an onslaught of continuous colorful criticism is a complete waste of time.
The Peter Pararoleplayers are another story. These guys are more sensitive. They're making an effort. I would ask that women handle them with a tad bit more consideration. That does not mean playing with them if you don't want to play with them. That does not mean faking your way through to an exit. You can say no in a firm and respectful manner. Again, I just say it's "not a match." That's not a criticism so much as it is a preference and a valid and honest one at that.
My main issue is with people who agree to cyber AGAIN and AGAIN out of what...some misguided sense of courtesy or obligation? Let's talk about that some more.
I will confess I have completed cybersex with someone I wasn't particularly enjoying, but usually only when I was well into it and could tell it had a reasonably short end time and it wasn't totally abhorrent. If I get started with someone who is clearly a multi-hour paraRPer, there is no way I'm going to roll with that until the end. Why give hours and hours of your life to some stranger when there is no benefit to you? And why perpetrate that kind of fraud on the other person? Cut bait for both of you so you can find better catches. But that's why I talk about a "cybersex sales cycle" and highlight the probing and listening and setting of expectations. The ideal scenario is not getting into that situation because you sorted it out up front.
Also, there's some pretty rough and bizarre stuff in Second Life and on the internet. If someone unwittingly gets into a cybersex situation where the roleplay is deeply disturbing and upsetting, then again, why keep doing it? Why do that to yourself? And for who? What's that about? Stop it.
Here's a thought. What if neither of you are enjoying the cybersex, but both of you stick with it until the other has "had their fun"? Seriously. Stop it.
Don't Lose The Thread
Jenni's Guide to Great Cybersex makes an excellent point about text cybersex roleplay. Try to pay attention to what is where in the "storyline." If your partner walks over to the hot tub, slips out of her clothes, sits on the edge and swings her long legs into the hot, bubbling water and beckons for you to join her, then it would behoove you not to pull the sheets back and expose her hardening nipples as you crawl into bed with her, know what I mean Vern?
This part of Jenni's advice just kills me...
...and mainly because:
a. It's necessary at all.
b. It's necessary enough to make a top ten list.
c. It made a top ten list in 1997 and is still relevant in 2011.
Ladies, and gentleman pretending to be ladies, what in God's name would motivate you to continue having cybersex with some random asshat in the ether that you do not enjoy? Step away from the keyboard and reflect on that before you hop on another poseball or feel a twinge of guilty obligation to a man who calls himself MasterT-RexDick387.
This part of Jenni's advice just kills me...
a. It's necessary at all.
b. It's necessary enough to make a top ten list.
c. It made a top ten list in 1997 and is still relevant in 2011.
Ladies, and gentleman pretending to be ladies, what in God's name would motivate you to continue having cybersex with some random asshat in the ether that you do not enjoy? Step away from the keyboard and reflect on that before you hop on another poseball or feel a twinge of guilty obligation to a man who calls himself MasterT-RexDick387.
Don Mill, Male Avatar, On Cybering
I will start apologizing for the next few disconnected statements that came to mind after reading the last few pages of this thread. Having dozed off for less than 3 hours in a plane does wonders to my brain.
On cybering and the how-to:
I seem to be a person that can do it under two different scenarios. The most normal to me is to cyber with women that I am emotional related as a way of extending our relationship. These are the cases in which cybering becomes much more than texting and jumping into poseballs.
The second scenario, for me, has to do with the enjoyment of the roleplaying part of the cybering. It is never a means to seek " release" but rather a conversation that moves around the description of erotic and sexual actions.
This second scenario is also much more text based than the first one. The first one sometimes include voice and/or video.
How-to... I think that Lee has gone in greater detail about the "do" and "don't" lists for a "successful" encounter. I will only add or emphasize that being concerned on whatever the partner or partners wants is a must. That is the result of good communication, which many times we do not take the time to share.
One thing that, for me, is a complete turn-off is reading the other person define how I am feeling at a certain time. While I can understand the idea of "I caress your leg and feel your skin reacting to my touch", I can not swallow the "I stand behind you and suddenly, you start feeling a rush of heat starting on your neck and going all the way down to your feet, your eyes showing the lust you feel for my strong pinky finger is overwhelming". I consider the play a creation of two parties, and as such I expect reactions to the actions anyone takes.
On buying sex and prostitution:
First a disclaimer: I have never paid a prostitute to have sex. I believe that has to do with the concept that for me a successful sexual encounter is one in which my partner is fully satisfied. Until recently, I was under the assumption that prostitutes did not really enjoyed the practice of sex.
Over the last few years it came to my mind the idea of hiring a prostitute to see what was all the fuzz about. My whys are more related to the idea of being able to do something that I do not normally do than anything else.
Let's also consider that sex is still a social taboo, going to a prostitute is consider by some people the confirmation of one's inability to get sex thru "normal" means.
Anyway... I am more relationship oriented than casual, although I enjoy a lot a good flirt.
no godmodding and no bunnying.
Reposts. Bulldick!, Mar 6, 2011 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-22#post-31447
On cybering and the how-to:
I seem to be a person that can do it under two different scenarios. The most normal to me is to cyber with women that I am emotional related as a way of extending our relationship. These are the cases in which cybering becomes much more than texting and jumping into poseballs.
The second scenario, for me, has to do with the enjoyment of the roleplaying part of the cybering. It is never a means to seek " release" but rather a conversation that moves around the description of erotic and sexual actions.
This second scenario is also much more text based than the first one. The first one sometimes include voice and/or video.
How-to... I think that Lee has gone in greater detail about the "do" and "don't" lists for a "successful" encounter. I will only add or emphasize that being concerned on whatever the partner or partners wants is a must. That is the result of good communication, which many times we do not take the time to share.
One thing that, for me, is a complete turn-off is reading the other person define how I am feeling at a certain time. While I can understand the idea of "I caress your leg and feel your skin reacting to my touch", I can not swallow the "I stand behind you and suddenly, you start feeling a rush of heat starting on your neck and going all the way down to your feet, your eyes showing the lust you feel for my strong pinky finger is overwhelming". I consider the play a creation of two parties, and as such I expect reactions to the actions anyone takes.
On buying sex and prostitution:
First a disclaimer: I have never paid a prostitute to have sex. I believe that has to do with the concept that for me a successful sexual encounter is one in which my partner is fully satisfied. Until recently, I was under the assumption that prostitutes did not really enjoyed the practice of sex.
Over the last few years it came to my mind the idea of hiring a prostitute to see what was all the fuzz about. My whys are more related to the idea of being able to do something that I do not normally do than anything else.
Let's also consider that sex is still a social taboo, going to a prostitute is consider by some people the confirmation of one's inability to get sex thru "normal" means.
Anyway... I am more relationship oriented than casual, although I enjoy a lot a good flirt.
no godmodding and no bunnying.
Reposts. Bulldick!, Mar 6, 2011 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-22#post-31447
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Um, what?
I will admit, that while I usually don't end up in a virtual bed with these people, I do truly love the totally surreal, out-of-the-blue, I-don't-know-what-the-hell-is-going-on-but-I'll-just-go-with-it moments.
Random IM out of the blue with no preamble whatsoever from a nun standing near me at the landing point to Nevah Naughty Dance Club...
Nun: Three fingers up my cunt
Lee: Enjoy
Nun: Thank you.
Lee: ; )
Nun: Lick me.
Lee: Another time perhaps. Maybe when some chocolate syrup is available.
Nun: Of course.
Same time, same place:
Roger: The Lord of the village has asked me to invite you for an afternoon tea.
Lee: How nice.
Roger: he is an old man
Lee: Probably why he's the lord of the village.
Roger: yes correct
Okay.
And that was it.
BTW: "Roger" has a blank profile. Rez date is in 2007.
So what would you have said to a nun who walked up to you in a kinky dance club and opened with, "three fingers up my cunt"?
Repost. LeeHere Absent, Feb 24, 2011 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-12#post-26868 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-12#post-26869
I met a guy who told me he wanted to roleplay a scenario that would be the morning after a night in which I, as his girlfriend, had fucked his best friend and he, the boyfriend, had returned to discover this. Confused and thinking maybe he'd said it wrong (a little arrogance of my own), I somewhat sarcastically asked him, "Wait, you want to roleplay the fight that occurs after the fucking?" He said, "Yes." Imagine my surprise. I declined.
Repost. LeeHere Absent, Mar 3, 2011 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-16#post-30512
He used to IM me asking if I was cybersexing with someone and asking if I would either TP him there so he could watch or asking if I would IM him after so we could do a kind of cuckold-fetish roleplay.
It's not as uncommon as you might think.
Not quite as extreme or...relationship-dynamic focused as that... and much more common, are men who IM my sex account asking for the details of my activities. "Just tell me about it. Who have you fucked today and how many? Tell me all the details."
The next question is inevitably...
"Aww, why not?"
Repost. LeeHere Absent, Mar 3, 2011 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-16#post-30533
Random IM out of the blue with no preamble whatsoever from a nun standing near me at the landing point to Nevah Naughty Dance Club...
Nun: Three fingers up my cunt
Lee: Enjoy
Nun: Thank you.
Lee: ; )
Nun: Lick me.
Lee: Another time perhaps. Maybe when some chocolate syrup is available.
Nun: Of course.
Same time, same place:
Roger: The Lord of the village has asked me to invite you for an afternoon tea.
Lee: How nice.
Roger: he is an old man
Lee: Probably why he's the lord of the village.
Roger: yes correct
Okay.
And that was it.
BTW: "Roger" has a blank profile. Rez date is in 2007.
So what would you have said to a nun who walked up to you in a kinky dance club and opened with, "three fingers up my cunt"?
Repost. LeeHere Absent, Feb 24, 2011 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-12#post-26868 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-12#post-26869
I met a guy who told me he wanted to roleplay a scenario that would be the morning after a night in which I, as his girlfriend, had fucked his best friend and he, the boyfriend, had returned to discover this. Confused and thinking maybe he'd said it wrong (a little arrogance of my own), I somewhat sarcastically asked him, "Wait, you want to roleplay the fight that occurs after the fucking?" He said, "Yes." Imagine my surprise. I declined.
Repost. LeeHere Absent, Mar 3, 2011 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-16#post-30512
He used to IM me asking if I was cybersexing with someone and asking if I would either TP him there so he could watch or asking if I would IM him after so we could do a kind of cuckold-fetish roleplay.
It's not as uncommon as you might think.
Not quite as extreme or...relationship-dynamic focused as that... and much more common, are men who IM my sex account asking for the details of my activities. "Just tell me about it. Who have you fucked today and how many? Tell me all the details."
The next question is inevitably...
"Aww, why not?"
Repost. LeeHere Absent, Mar 3, 2011 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-16#post-30533
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