Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Mute Me

There's a Second Life oldbie who likes to humiliate women and use psychological force to get them to tell him their real life secrets. His words, his description, not mine. He also likes to insist on being muted. He doesn't like teases and he doesn't like turds. He says he finds way too many of both in Second Life.

Like I said, his words, not mine. He's never hit a home run with me. He's tried twice and ended up demanding I mute him both times. I declined. The subject of "emotional extortion" has come up in this forum. I'd say that's a definite component as I've seen him try to leverage the idea of both SL and RL suicide in his play. He's also verbally abusive in a manipulative manner...trying to elicit a "no, no, I'm not that way, let me prove it to you," kind of reaction, for example. He tries to present himself as a wounded project in need of a good woman and then turn the tables. Even the demand to be muted is a manipulative act in his roleplay. He wants to force the woman to actively cancel him out.

He's interesting, but he's not unique.


I've said more than once that I was repeating his description, using his words of how he uses Second Life for sexual play and gratification, in addition to referencing a phrase used here in gV by others. I can see how my posts and my discussion of his stance and those posts might appear to be an assumption on my part about "emotional extortion" and I can see how much one might assume about my apparent assumptions from my posts. I also do truly note your rejection of any assumption that there is such a thing as "emotional extortion."

Maybe I should speak more for myself and my actual assumptions now since you raise the question. I think there is such a thing as emotional coercion (I used the phrase "emotional extortion," because, as I said earlier, that phrase had been used here in gV and I was likening the two situations and descriptions), but I think of it more often in non-virtual world, real life settings, although I do not discount its possibility or even existence in the virtual realm. People experience very real emotions in the virtual realm and are subject to manipulation and I suppose if I were to use my own words with regard to the specific example of the man I met in Second Life, I'd say something more like "emotional manipulation" or "emotional coercion." I think that is what he is attempting, at least, and I suspect he finds some people with whom he is successful.

The thing is I am not certain what the level of agreement is when he engages in his chosen play. I don't have enough information to hazard a good guess, but based on what I have observed, I would say that my not-so-good guess is that he does not always go about the more formal and accepted process for consensual roleplay. Many of us have seen people discuss a roleplay and establish the scene and the boundaries and agree to take on the parts...say a pirate and a wench, for example, clearly fantasy roles involved in fantasy roleplay that might include OOC asides and safe words. But many of us have also seen situations in which one party is roleplaying and the other party is not roleplaying and the boundaries and expectations were not clearly defined up front and there are no OOC breaks to highlight the difference...say a boyfriend and girlfriend scenario, for example, not so clearly fantasy roles or roleplay. Then we see forum posts about how the party who thought it was a realrelationship was deeply wounded by the discovery of the fact that the other party perceived the relationship as a "'toon fantasy" and dropped it like a cancelled sitcom. There's a tremendous disconnect among the various people in virtual worlds and their perceptions and expectations and usage of the platforms...I know, stating the bleeding obvious. My point is that I am not sure the man I am talking about makes the effort to ensure he is engaging in consensual roleplay when he plays and I'm not sure that if he doesn't, that he doesn't make that effort on purpose. Does he encounter many women who, like me, realize that he is roleplaying and therefore make an informed decision? Probably. Does he encounter any women who do not realize he is roleplaying and therefore make an ill or uninformed decision? Maybe. And is that emotionally manipulative on his part? Yeah, I'd say it is. Heck, I think we may even need to define "roleplay" for the purpose of this discussion about this man.

The other thing that is interesting to me about this particular guy and the scenario I described is that in his own way he "qualified" the sales qualifying I've been describing in this thread. I said he'd tried twice with me and "never hit a home run," which sounds like he tried and I rebuffed his attempts, but the truth of the matter is that it never got far enough for me to reject his roleplay really, because he determined I was not a suitable partner for him. This guy roleplays on two levels. He roleplays the "real" interaction and then he roleplays the roleplay. I could and probably will say more about that, because it interests me, but this post is long enough already and it would be a major digression.

I'm actually sorry I cannot make the man in question available here to answer questions on the subject. It could be enlightening, entertaining or both.


We're just talking here, right?

Although as I look back at the amount of my reply, I'd have to say maybe you were right. ;)

I do appreciate your posts and the opportunity they afford me to think and talk more about this. Thank you.

Make you make me? Cute. ;)

Now if one or both of us gets any kind of sexual gratification out of this exchange, well, we might have ourselves an FSRP roleplay. Rawr.

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