Read Your Audience & Play to The Dungeon

I am not into the BDSM lifestyle (and it is a lifestyle, on which pages and pages have been written and debated), and cannot, therefore, go into all the ins and outs of that community with any real authority, but I am frequently and reliably informed that anyone who creates an avatar name with words like "master" or "sir" is viewed as a frivolous wannabe tourist on the outer fringe, not to be taken seriously by anyone other than their counterpart tourist playing at being a slave or sub on an experimental lark for a couple of minutes in one of the meat market sims. Cybersex is about marketing. Consider your target audience and market yourself accordingly.

As a corollary to that, I will add that when I meet someone who clearly is representing themselves as a member or aficionado of the BDSM community, usually through their profile or their probing of me, I immediately let them know that I am not a BDSM lifestyler. I may play about with dominant and submissive themes or roles in my cybersex play from time to time, but I am keenly aware, now that I have been properly educated, that that is not the same thing and I let potential partners know that as soon as that topic comes up. I don't want a pet. I have no intention of being collared or going through the long-term spiritual journey of deciding to deliver myself to a partner who has earned the gift of my submission, etc., etc., as is often the expectation of members of that community and practitioners of that lifestyle. Again, better to deal with those expectations up front. Most people who are legitimately into that lifestyle will understand and appreciate that expectation chat, by the way.

Also, I find that if an expectation conversation like that does occur with MasterSirJohnDoe and he still pushes for a cyberconnection, the warnings of those truly committed to the BDSM lifestyle will prove jarringly true, you'll end up on a poseball or a webcam with a posturing yahoo acting the fool and treating you like crap and not necessarily in a good way, ya dirty whore.


Repost. LeeHere Absent, Feb 21, 2011 http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-8#post-25526

I meet enough men who are into either BDSM or orgasm control that those two are now on my informal mental top-ten expectation checklist. BDSM or orgasm control in the profile? I let them know that's not my cup of tea when they approach me. Request to go to voice or cam? I almost always check to see if it is for orgasm control before I agree and log into Skype.

Repost.  LeeHere Absent, Feb 21, 2011  http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-9#post-25549


When I posted about this subject on gotVirtual.net, I said this:

Lee:  I think we could easily invite some BDSMers to come onto gV and expound at length on the topic and answer any and all questions. 

And then the next three posts were as follows:

no, we can't because we have NO real way of knowing IF they are in fact RL BDSM'ers past their word for it . UNLESS they are going to give up their RL info to a forum board.

What's this obsession over whether someone is a "real" BDSM'er or not? 

Good question , I'm not the least bit obsessed over it, those involved seem to be tho. 

My response:

I disagree. There is no way to tell anything on the internet with any kind of complete certainty, but there are some posters who's responses have a ring of credibility to them and jive with much of the BDSM literature, lending them further credence. Also, in my case, and I had assumed yours, I'm merely curious. I'm not relying on the posts to make medicine, a bomb or, and you'll like this, do brain surgery.  I certainly wouldn't be relying on the information to charge down to a Seattle BDSM club in my leather and chains. Besides, it might still make for interesting reading. And we could really load the scales in the direction of credibility by inviting an administrator of an established BDSM site over to make a guest appearance here. Not foolproof, but it ups the odds of good content. 

There are people living the BDSM lifestyle offline and in the real world.

Also, I believe there are some who would give you RL info. 

This is a virtual world discussion forum and there is a huge BDSM community in Second Life and the Utherverse and other virtual worlds. I'm interested to hear what they have to say and don't necessarily have to check their credentials first (although I have been known too), but then that's me and that's the beauty of an internet forum. I'm just not ready to throw the baby out of the bathwater of this frivolous little thread just yet, ya know? 

Reposts. LeeHere Absent, Feb 21, 2011  http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-9#post-25566  LeeHere Absent, Feb 21, 2011  http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/page-9#post-25593