That's What He Said: Some Tips For Straight Guys In the RLC

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Precise Advances

I'm always harping about good, clear communication and, in particular, effective use of the entire sex sales cycle.  It might serve Dominique Strauss-Kahn well in the future. This latest BBC News article says he has described his interaction with the New York hotel maid, Nafissatou Diallo, as "inappropriate" and "imprecise."

"An official close to the inquiry told Agence France-Presse that Mr Strauss-Kahn had denied attempted rape and assault but 'conceded that he had made advances to her, without being very precise about the nature of these advances'."

I say avoid the rape charges and forcing yourself on someone, but commit to your intentions and the communication of them.   It's you, a woman and a hotel room with a bed, it shouldn't be that difficult to express yourself without a major misunderstanding.  Although you might want to consider soliciting someone other than a woman who is paid to be in your hotel room for something other than sex.  We've got some pretty well-tested sexual harassment laws here in the U.S.  I'm tellin' ya, that's why the sourcing, probing and listening parts of the sex sales cycle should not be overlooked or rushed.  Warm leads on the same page.  Soooo much better for both parties.

And ladies, men forcing themselves on you is a crime.  Asking shouldn't be.


Notes:  
The word "sales" here is not meant to imply a monetary transaction, but rather, getting across and getting what you want in a consensual manner.
Asking once is communication.  Asking repetitively to the point of harassment, well, now it's a crime.  It's an important difference.


Links:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14963176
http://crimesagainstconvention.yuku.com/topic/22/That-s-What-She-Said

Adult SubForum Idea for Second Life Forum (SLF)

Venus has been telling me about an idea that was floated to the Lindens about creating an Adult subforum on the official Second Life forum.  The end result, it appears, was for content creators, merchants and adult land owners only.

Venus Petrov said...

"Shortly after this Lithium forum was rolled out, a number of us advocated to have a place where adult discussions on sex in SL might be safe for discussion. The topic was touched on in at least three CTUG (Community Tools User Group meetings). Somewhere along the line the request got morphed in the implementation of the solution and what we ended up with was a 'by invitation only' forum for content creators of adult products in SL and owners of adult land. If one did not fit into either category, you were SOL. My short answer to your question above is 'It depends.' It depends on the question(s). Other than mechanics of and places to go, perhaps, most will probably focus on situational issues. I would like that these could still be raised in the Lifestyles subforum. And, some are."

"Actually, what you describe is what I had hoped could happen on the Adult forum we first advocated. There is a considerable economy in SL creating, marketing, selling, and supporting adult 'goods'. It does not seem logical to create a forum where only purveyors of adult-related items can share information. What about the consumer?!"

"That was the end of it at the time. LL had no way of being able to automatically add verified adults to the Adult forum. It required individuals who fell under at least one of the two categories I referenced earlier to ask Blondin to be added and he did so manually. Now that he is gone I do not know who manages that forum."

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Finding-Current-Info-on-SL-Sex/td-p/1081169/page/4
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Finding-Current-Info-on-SL-Sex/m-p/1088413#M6364

ETA:

Dresden Ceriano said...

"If I remember correctly, the last time an adult sub-forum was discussed, it was in conjunction with the creation of a GLBT forum. It was decided that there would be no adult forum but there would be a GLBT forum, except only for adults. It was quickly pointed out that, not only was there no reason a GLBT sub-forum should have to be adult, but that having an adult forum for the GLBT community and not having one for everyone else just didn't seem right. So what we got instead was the "Identity and Relationships" forum that was open to all (which I later forced suggested Amanda change to "Lifestyles and Relationships", which is what have now). The adult forum idea was never brought up again, as far as I know. Perhaps, since some of the names have changed now, it might be time to, once again, bring it up. I mean, why not?... the worst they could do is say no again. ...Dres ETA: I forgot to mention the best part... no one ever even asked for the creation of a GLBT sub-forum. Sometime, during the discussion about creating an adult sub-forum, some misguided person suggested GLBT issues as a reason for creating one. Amanda took that as if we needed a GLBT forum and ran with it. So we ended up getting what we didn't ask for and not getting what we did... go figure."

Where do YOU think the best place to talk about sex in Second Life is and why?

I asked this question on the official Second Life Forum (SLF), SLUniverse (SLU) and gotVirtual (gV) this week and probably about a year or more ago on RLetc.

This is the question in more detail.

"Where are the best places (blogs, forums, websites, sims, etc.) to talk about sex in Second Life among adults with a frank and open discussion and information that is updated and kept current? Topics might include prim genitalia, etiquette, how-to for newbies, fetishes, paraphilias, NSFW & XXX content, sex sims, sex products, etc. And why? (Why is that the best place?) The question came up in the "Finding Current Info on SL Sex" thread on SLF and I thought it might be interesting to get comments and referrals and maybe collect them into a helpful resource list. Thank you in advance and apologies for dupes."

I say it came up in that thread, and it did, but the truth is, I've been looking for a forum in which to have conversations with topics like the ones in this blog for about two years.  It has turned out to be a slightly more complex question that I had first thought it would be.

Anyway, here are some of the answers I received.

I'll start with the helpful, direct link type answers.

1. SLUniverse (SLU).  Multiple votes for this forum, some qualified.  There are restrictions on content and many people have complained about judgmental or joking responses, but you do have the advantage of a large group of tenured and knowledgeable Second Life residents who can answer many product and tech questions.
2. The "Let's Make Sexy Time!" Social Group on SLUniverse.  Eighty-seven threads, current content, some sex and a lot of humor and poking and joking around.
3. The "BDSM Interest group" Social Group on SLUniverse.  Three hundred seventy-four threads, current content, a lot of sex and helpful discussions about Second Life sex products and places.  More straight answers and acceptance and less joking and poking in this Social Group.  I would feel comfortable recommending this Social Group to people wanting a venue for discussing sex in Second Life.
4. gotVirtual (gv).  Multiple qualified votes for this forum.
5. The official Second Life forum (SLF).  Multiple votes with qualifiers.  This is the company's product forum, it includes teens and it is PG.  You can't use vulgar language like "fuck" and you cannot post nude or lewd pics.  You do have the advantage of a large group of tenured and knowledgeable Second Life residents who can answer many product and tech questions.  My observation has been that a person asking questions on SLF is likely to get inworld IMs offering help too.
6. BDSM forum inworld sim.  Multiple votes for this place.
7. Xcite!  Xcite! is a Second Life product site.  Good information specific to their product line.
8. Between two consenting adults.  Multiple votes.
9. A couple of people said they did not want to share what they had managed to learn on their own the hard way.
10. This blog right here.

It was in the "BDSM Interest group" Social Group that I found this helpful stickied thread about the rules on SLU regarding adult content.

Cristiano said on SLU...

"A reminder about NSFW images and thread titles"

"If the image contains nudity or is otherwise sexually explicit, it must not be posted inline with IMG tags or attached to the post. You must link to the image. Courtesy would also be to warn that the image is NSFW. If you are uncertain if an image is NSFW, err on the side of caution and assume it is."

"Please also be conscious of the content of your thread titles. While users do have the ability to ignore forums, and the group forums are viewable only by registered users, there is no ability to filter out forums on iSpy and the titles do appear some other places as well. Thank you for your cooperation with this policy. I try to provide as open of an environment as possible and I have nothing against the images or topics personally, but I do have the needs of the entire forum community, advertisers, and the policies of my ISP to keep in mind."

Nimue Jewell said on SLU...

"Keep in mind, even though the topics are adult in those subforums, you are not allowed to post naked SL or RL pictures."

I nabbed a couple of the more in-depth comments.

Ishtara Rothschild said on SFL...

"Actually, I think that is forum is a great place to talk about sex. It might seem counter-intuitive considering LL's PG rule and the relatively high level of moderation, but I've found that when it comes to adult topics, only posts with very explicit language are getting moderated. Which can be a boon rather than a bane, because it helps keep the discussion on a civilized level. We have discussed even the most controversial topics here in the past, such as age play, BDSM (including edgeplay), or zoophilia. This doesn't seem to be possible over at SLU, where people who disagree with the vocal majority (which is surprisingly conservative when it comes to sex; SLU is a place where gays and liberal atheists rage against aberrant forms of sexuality in a way that would make a Baptist preacher jealous) are met with vigorous personal attacks and the most hateful and rude language. That's exactly the kind of thing that gets deleted here, and this forum is a better place for it imho. At SLU, everything seems to be about moral outrage. A member of the in crowd starts a finger pointing thread (bruised skins and "Rape me" tattoos, OMG, how can LL allow this!) and everyone joins in the bashfest. That is not a discussion, it's a lynch mob in a feverish circle j***. Those who dare to disagree are torn to pieces and will be bullied in all future threads no matter what they post. I'd rather participate in a forum where I can speak my mind as long as I'm willing to self-censor a bit and use medical schoolbook terms or romanticized language rather than colloquialisms."

Knowl Paine said on SLF...

"The best place is with your partner(s). Second Life can be a journey, a path for discovery. I prefer to choose my own adventure. Sexual sophistication, is far from first on my list of ideal characteristics and traits of a desirable partner. The second best place to discuss functionality of a product or attachment is with the Creator or seller of the product. The Resident who made it, probably knows how the item works. A Group for helping Residents in the Region Kuula, has a public Show-n-Tell event, the content must be General maturity rating but a format like that for sex in SL would be beneficial."

squashy Beeswing said on SLF...

"You could dish out notecards periodically with how-to guides and best practice. "

Orfeu said on gV...

"I think of the forums, gv is prolly the best fit. We do have a slight habit of constant de-rails....rather than substantive discussion here...but one can hope. Other than that....your "Thats what she said" blog, also seems to fit the bill admirably."

Saffy Pants said on gV...

"I am not sure any of them are any use for talking about SL sex. The ones that allow it are populated by people who aren't interested and the ones populated by people who are interested don't allow it. The official forum is obviously the place because it has loads of newbies who would love some sex education but as you say it would be like sex education in school with the real stuff censored out. I did my share of sex in my early SL days but I never really found anyone who could understand the kind of atmosphere I needed to create. I havent tried anything for a long time but poseballs and devices did nothing for me with the exception of Devotion and I got worn out having to do all the talking."

Additional information.

1. Some pretty damn frank conversations about sex can be had in the Utherverse forums, but it is a company product site, so it's not really the right place for conversations that include Second Life or other virtual worlds.  Also, the Springerville and troll quotients are very high in that place.
2. There is a Gorean Forum specific to Second Life and it is active and current.
3. KingGoon Forums.
4. The Alphaville Herald has a 'Sex, Cybersex and Beyond' section
5. 2nd Sex.  It's a blog by Lillie Yifu.  Described as follows: "A blog on sex and virtual worlds by a virtual escort." Current content.  Not as much sex as you might think given the description and blog title.
6. The Sleaze King of Second Life.  A blog by Hard Rust, the creator of Hard Alley in Second Life.
7. Second Life porn star blogs.  Definitely adult content.
1. Emmanuelle Jameson's Second Life.  A blog by the avatar formerly known as "Jennnnna Jameson."  Lots of sex.  Lots of erotic Second Life sex pics. 
2. My Twisted Second Life: Diary of A Naughty TGirl.  A blog by Ivori Faith.  Sex from the second you click through the mature-content warning.
3. Serenity And Arwen PornStar Files.
4. Quinn Ying in Second Life.

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/bd-p/lifestyles_relationships
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Where-do-YOU-think-the-best-place-to-talk-about-sex-in-Second/td-p/1086709
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Finding-Current-Info-on-SL-Sex/td-p/1081169
http://www.sluniverse.com
http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/lets-make-sexy-time/
http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/bdsm-interest-group/
http://www.sluniverse.com/php/vb/general-sl-discussion/64052-where-best-places-talk-second.html
http://gotvirtual.net
http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/where-are-the-best-places-to-talk-second-life-sex-mature-nsfw.2546/
http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/thats-what-she-said.772/
http://gotvirtual.net/community/threads/the-naughty-thread-pics-vids-etc-there-will-be-nudity.410/
http://www.getxcite.com/
http://forums.utherverse.com
http://goreanforums.net/
http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Can_we_have_sex
http://sexsecond.blogspot.com
http://alphavilleherald.com/news/sex-cybersex-and-beyond
http://jennnnnajameson.blogspot.com
http://ivorifaith.blogspot.com
http://quinnying.blogspot.com
http://sereandarwen.blogspot.com
http://hardrust.blogspot.com
http://www.kinggoon.net/

Sex Questions on Second Life Forums (SLF)

It's just not the right place.

Aleesha Snow said...

"I'm looking into making a foray into the world of SL sex. Before I get involved, I have been noticing that there are so many options as far as body parts, HUDs, and many other things. Some things are stand alone, others need compatible items to work properly. It is all so confusing. I decided to search for information online. Unfortunately, after several hours, was unable to locate anything on the web that wasn't a number of years old and, apparently, no longer pertinent. I'm not sure I am in the right place to even ask this question. Can someone point me to a place where I can get up to date and accurate information on all of this?  Thank You  A~"

Aleesha Snow also said...

"Thanks Ariel, and thanks to all who replied. I really appreciate it. Reading all of your responses have helped but I think Ariel hit the nail on the head. There is just so much that it is hard to ask specific questions. The "genital Attachment" question was one for instance. I personally don't need one and sex for me is more cerebral than visual, yet I didn't know if guys would look at me as cheap or less desirable if I didn't have one. It is things like that. Its good to know that the older information can be relied upon today. I will look at it with a different eye. Guess I need to find my online mentor. Thank you all A~"

I said...

"Excellent questions.  I hope you think of more specific questions and get more and varied answers.  I will be interested to see them myself.

My sexual experience in Second Life leads me to believe that a nice skin and shape is all you really need.  Maybe a couple of non-n00b outfits, which are easy enough to get for free if you join designer merchant groups or follow tips from SL fashion blogs.

I'm a female both in SL and RL.  I was led to purchase prim genitalia my first week in SL.  I bought it, fussed about with it, abandoned it and never looked back.  No one has mentioned it since.  I don't miss it and neither do my sexual partners.  I think it is largely unnecessary.  People who purchase them and enjoy them can give you another point of view, but I guarantee you it is a "nice to have" luxury, if anything, and not a "need to have" necessity.

Beyond that I think it depends on your specific fetish or favorite flavor.  I'm loathe to go into further details here because I am keenly aware that the Second Life forums are PG and strictly moderated.  I would highly recommend that if you want an open discussion about sex in Second Life where you can get full and varied answers, that you take your question to one or more of the third-party SL-theme forums like SLUniverse (SLU), Second Citizen (SC MKII) or gotVirtual (gV).  There is a link to some of the third-party forums on the Second Life Wiki (http://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Discussion_forums#Third-party_forums).  Again, I highly recommend you check out an independent forum for a frank discussion of adult topics like sex in Second Life.

Lastly, I will tell you it is IMPOSSIBLE not to have sex as a female in Second Life, hell, even the guys can get laid.  I really don't know of anyone who can't get cyberlaid somehow someway in Second Life.  Sex is easily obtained.  The question is... what kind.  And that depends on more than prim genitalia.

 Anyway...  good luck to you and I hope you have lots and lots of naughty fun.  "

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Finding-Current-Info-on-SL-Sex/td-p/1081169/page/3

This Man's Questions (Storm...and Perrie... Asks)

Storm Clarence said:

"Is the political correctness in today's world suppressing the heterosexual relationship? Is political correctness and feminism attempting to stifle heterosexual men? Is the display of a heterosexual relationship on the cusp of extinction? Does the heterosexual man need to 'hide' his sexuality - his identity when he is in the presence of non-heteros?
What is the view of the heterosexual man who posts in a LBGTI forum? Do I, as a heterosexual man, have anything to offer? My sexuality is tied to the relationships I form. Aren't gay issues *relationship* issues, too? If not, what is specific to the gay man that is not specific to me - unless it's all only about the 'sexual activity,' and not the relationship itself?
Must I defend my sexuality? Must a gay man defend his sexuality? Why is one singled out over the other for a 'specific' forum? Who really cares if the relationship is MM, MF, or FF. Shouldn't it be about issues we face in relationships: treating one another with kindness, humor, reasoning, compassion, compromise; and discussing the issues that lead to unhealthy types of relationships, or how to build better relationships?"

Perrie Juran said:

"Sometimes it seems difficult and even frustrating at times to be a Vanilla Male. I meet girls who at least initially I like and think I would like to get to know better but then I read their profiles and feel like there is no way I could ever satisfy them. Yes, there really are girls out there who are into swinging from the chandeliers with bisexual furry skunks. And in public no less!!!!!
Is their really much room left for a simple Vanilla guy here?"

Lee says:

"Do I, as a heterosexual man, have anything to offer?"
Yes.  Come over here and make me an offer.  

"Is their really much room left for a simple Vanilla guy here?"

Where's "here"?  (the LGBTI-only forum? the Lifestyles & Relationship forum? Second Life? Real life?)

Yes, but it I admit I imagine it would be a little tough for a simple Vanilla guy in the fetish fantasyland of adult Second Life.  In the real world, and the parts of Second Life that most want to be like the real world, simple Vanilla guys become extremely appealing to many heterosexual women over 30.


Link:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/This-Man-s-Questions/m-p/825001/message-uid/825001#U825001

Having said that...

Okay, I have sought revenge in my own way.  I've splurged on tickets and gone to the big concert the ex wanted to see.  I've cut my hair shorter than the ex liked.  I've cleaned the house, ordered take-out, controlled the remote, spread out in the bed, turned the air up or down and reclaimed my space.  I've gone clubbing with my girlfriends and flirted up a storm.  Best of all?  I've had a good time.

Hell Hath No Fury

I don't really do revenge or payback or what-have-you with regard to romantic or sexual relationships.  There are a number of reasons for this, not the least of which is that it prolongs the agony and creates a kind of mental tag in the brain.

I had a friend/roommate, back in my youth, who went through a truly terrible break-up with her boyfriend.  Many things happened, but eventually the man took a new woman to the restaurant my friend's sister (and fellow roommate) worked in as a waitress.  He flaunted the date, the sister called my friend and in a fit of vengeful rage, my friend drove to the restaurant, marched inside, confronted the man and his date, told the date the man had an STD, flounced out the door, slashed the man's tires and keyed his car or some such thing.  She then drove home and righteously marched herself back inside our apartment.  Doors slammed, music blared and so forth.  At this point I was at home and gingerly made inquiries and was told the full story.

I had the sense to realize that this was a "just listen" moment, so that's what I did.  I just listened and heard my friend out as she ranted and vented her considerable ire.  I had a lot of thoughts about what she was telling me, but few of them were appropriate to share and none of them would have cooled her fiery temper.  So, I just listened and nodded occasionally and kept my mental fingers crossed that this would be the end of it.

Several days later my friend told me, with some bewildered indignation, that she had told a couple of people at her workplace about the incident and that she and her story had not been greeted with enthusiastic and unequivocal support.  Again, I perceived this to be a "just listen" moment.  Eventually, she said, "you would have done the same."  That's when I decided the "just listen" moment was over.

"No, I would not have done the same and you know I would not have done the same.  Never in the years you have known me have you seen me do anything like what you did or anything to indicate that I would do anything like what you did.  It's not a choice I would make."

She was a little huffy, but she wanted to talk about it, so we did.  I told her that if a relationship is over and ends badly, I don't want to prolong it or cement it further in my head.  If the guy turns out to be a creep, then I want nothing, absolutely nothing, more to do with him.  Her body, tense with her anger, relaxed in a kind of defeat.  She confessed to me that her actions had been so violent and so vivid that she was reliving them in her dreams at night.

I think it takes strength, maturity, and a helluvalot of self-discipline not to lash out at someone at the bad end of a tempestuous or painful relationship, and frankly, the fact that it takes all that, reinforces my belief that not seeking revenge is the right thing to do.

One woman's opinion.

Advice for the Lovelorn (Stormy Weather)

"Do you have questions about love, relationships, or sex?" on http://community.secondlife.com.

SilverMadison said:

"Second Life Public Access TV is proud to announce "Ask Thea!" our brand new advice show!
If you have questions about relationships, love, or sex feel free to email Thea at AskTheaDee@gmail.com
Your question may be answered on air and in front of our live studio audience.

Ask Thea! will premiere this fall on Second Life Public Access TV and will star the beautiful and feisty TheaDee!"

squashy Beeswing said:

"Well, i want to know what her credentials are first."

Sigmund Leominster said:

"For those who want a more non-directive, non-personal approach, I have a Rogerian AI bot and a replica of Freud's couch in-world, which you are more than welcome to talk to. My bot doesn't judge you, doesn't pretend to have answers, and often gives some quirky and bizarre responses. Howver, there are times when flashes of brilliance shine through and you can sneak a tiny peek into your subconscious. Just IM me and I'll send you a LM to my Therapy Platform in th Sky."

Storm said:

"This.

This.

This."

squashy Beeswing said:

"Storm, you need your own 2 hour 'special' with all that you've got going on."

valerie Inshan said:

"LOL, Storm is famous 24 hours a day. Full time job."

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/Do-you-have-questions-about-love-relationships-or-sex/td-p/1033019
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Wanted/Do-you-want-your-own-Second-life-TV-show/m-p/1035575
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/General-Discussions/How-do-I-make-her-love-me/m-p/498508/highlight/true#M242727
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/This-Man-s-Questions/m-p/825001/message-uid/825001#U825001
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/General-Discussions/Confessions-and-apologies-of-a-serial-SL-heartbreaker/m-p/492885/highlight/true#M239184

An Object Lesson in Bad Break-Ups

Here:  http://ladysakai.wordpress.com/2011/08/10/gtfo/  &  http://ladysakai.wordpress.com/2011/08/13/gtfo-part2-now-blackmail/

Tools of Amusement

"Ha" is a laugh.  It can also be used to express a moment of triumph.
"Hah" is also a laugh or an expression of triumph.
"Ha, ha, ha" is laughter.
"Ah ha" is used for discovery and accusation.
"Hee" is a giggle.
"Tee-hee" is also a giggle and sometimes derisive and/or impish.
"Hee hee hee" is a lot of giggling.
"Heh" is a wicked and mischievous sound of amusement and possible mayhem.

Use them wisely.

Expanding Your Fantasy...1950 or 2011? Which Country?

Ceka Cianci said:

"i haven't really read all this thread..just a few of the posts...
i think the best way to find a man in SL is to not look for them..and when they find you and IM you act as innocent as you can..
let some things go over your head..especially if it is them trying to flirt early on...
do a few subject changes from the flirts like you never caught onto it..
let a few of them hit and respond with little giggles here and there..
basically just treat them like any other person IMing..and that sex and romance is the farthest thing from your mind..

it seems to work really well for me..because i don't really look for men in sl and i have a hard time figuring out when they are flirting with me..i talk alot about lots of things so i may change the subject 5 times before i am finished explaining something hehehehe(see that giggle i slid in there?) hehehe( whoops did it again hehehe) (Ceka stop giggling and finish)Aaaanyways..i giggle a lot and i basically treat everyone about the same..
sex and romance is really something that is the farthest thing from my mind..
i always giggle when i catch onto a flirt..
oh and always talk about interesting things..like the weather..they really like that a lot  "

 

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/What-s-wrong-with-men/m-p/990261#M4851
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/lol-ha-hee-heh-as-punctuation.html

Blog Content Reminder (Adult XXX)

Just a reminder to anyone who might wander over to this blog:  the content here is adult XXX and then some.  Not for the young, faint of heart or sexually conservative.  Proceed with caution.

More qualifiers here:  http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/thats-what-she-said.html

Are you really enjoying?

The bold opportunism of men amuses me.  No really.  I know this kind of behavior has the potential to annoy people, and rightly so, but it often makes me smile.

• Second Life
• Sex alt (mine)
• Hotel room on bed
• Having sex with a man
• Interrupted by IM from a second man

O & V Man (not the one on the bed) IMs me.


Opportunistic and voyeuristic man: omg, i wish to be him
Opportunistic and voyeuristic man: are you really enjoying now?




Opportunistic and voyeuristic man: well, you said, maybe one day
Opportunistic and voyeuristic man: why not today?


Hey.  Dude's a closer.  I can appreciate that.



Couple of notes:
1.  There are "private" rooms all over Second Life.  People still walk in, see that there is an intimate moment occurring between two avatars and plant themselves at the foot of the bed to watch.  If they had popcorn handy, I'm sure they'd munch it and drop crumbs on the bed.  And yes, sometimes, often even, they IM one or both of the people busy on the bed.
2.  People also cam in to watch.
3.  It's the internet.  Privacy is an illusion or a luxury... or something.
4.  Yes, it is extremely common to be interrupted by an IM from a man who is observing or has just observed you having sex, who knows you are busy, to try to cadge a lay or schedule an appointment for one...and they can be quite aggressive about it.
5.  Yes, men will employ a "yeah, but are you really into him, enjoying him, how much fun could he really be compared to me, etc." play to cockblock a guy and get the girl.  Happens in real life too.  You'll sometimes hear guys talking about gals in committed relationships (with a boyfriend) who aren't married who see those women as available and fair game.  "Hey, she's not married."

It's Not Me, It's You...

Was I being too subtle?  Sending mixed messages perhaps?

• Second Life
• Sex alt (mine)
• Rape (FSRP) sim
• RLV enabled
• Sitting in a chair

Guy activates the RLV, puts me on a poseball, rips off all my clothes and starts cyberfucking.

Guy initiates IM.


Guy: looks kinda sudden
Me: Says the man in control.
Guy: hehe
Guy: and what does the trapped girl like
Guy: forced sex?

(We're in a public forced sex sim and I'm wearing an RLV sitting next to poseballs that are all forced sex positions and acts.  But I suppose clarification and confirmation is good when you're talking about rape and ravishment fantasies.)

Me: You have me pinned down in a rape sim. I think it's about what you like.
Guy: i just came to see

(If I had $L for every time a guy said that to me...)

Guy: this sim
Me laughs.
Guy: reallyu not my type

(Alrighty then.  I'm all for cutting bait.)

Me: And now you've seen.

(I hop off the ball and get ready to TP out of there.)

Guy: yeah
Guy: really not my type

(I heard ya the first time.  I'm not your type.   I got it.  Sheesh.  I'm now back at my sandbox getting dressed.)

Guy: this sim i mean

(Oh suuuurrre.  Now you say that.)

And y'all wonder why I harp on and on about good, clear communication.



Links:
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/read-your-audience-play-to-room.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/wannafuckers-tissue-one-hour-stands-in.html

I'll Take Care Of That (3 men, 1 toilet)

I got this from Perrie Juran.

Links:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSKL3ohnr3A
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/What-s-wrong-with-men/m-p/990199#M4847

Confessions and apologies of a serial SL heartbreaker... (Jan-28-2011)

I stole this from Storm.  Always looking for the male perspective, ya know.

"Your world, your imagination! I say it over and over.

I am a serial heartbreaker.

I want to apologise to all the women (and some men) who I have hurt. You see, I got into this game called 'SecondLife' because it advertized itself as 'Your world. Your imagination.': the perfect RP game! Since I rezzed nearly one year ago, I have been meeting women and enjoying the game as my self-styled 'Casanova' character. Suave, debonair, witty, sexy, a manly man! I have been very successful, too. I have had a series of 'relationships' with women, in a couple instances, a few at a time, all of which have ended with me 'moving on'. Oh, there have been the requisite tears and sobbing from the women (and some men) but that was all part of the RP, or so I assumed. In fact, I feel fairly certain that one or two of my alts may be responsible for some of the anguish I have recently read in this forum.

If it is me that you are targeting with this pain, I deeply apologize. I know many of you are offended by this man's actions: I can't help myself, I am a Casanova, a heartbreaker - it's what I do. It's who I am. It's my world, my imagination.

As soon as I rezzed and got my bearings (i.e., a makeover) I began to express my imagination with the myriad of female avies who threw themselves at me. Oh, it was easy to meet you. Most of the time, you IM'ed me out of the blue, sometimes from several hundred meters away telling me how attractive I was and how you were lonely and did I want to dance. You all wanted a piece of Storm - and why not, I created the most hansome of avatars, I conversed in more than one sentence, and I was available. I told each of you I loved you - that each was the only one for me - I had sensuous, deep, fulfilling pixel sex with you. On the bright side, I did not charge you as an escort would - I did not regurgitate empty lines of love - I did love you - all of you.

You were very happy, too.

It was all part of the RP. I played the handsome Casanova willing to sweep you off your feet. And, why not? Your world. Your imagination. I know now (from reading a few OP's over the past few days) that many of you felt like I was 'the one', your SL dreamboat come true, the one who would be 'forever yours'. My RP skills are wonderful but, so are yours! Well, once or twice I nearly got caught posting my love message to the wrong IM when I was with you. If you do not remember that time, it is because I diverted you with romance, rezzed the TenderLove, and swept you off your feet. You enjoyed it! It was what you wanted and still do! I felt happy with you.

So, ladies (and some men,) it is time for you, too, to 'move on'. Now that you have expressed your grief and anguish publically in the forum, received many emotive responses, you must move on! Do not fret, I have kept a list of names and will not approach you with my alts as I now know that you were not engaged in RP with me.

Don't you all agree: Your world, your imagination? I thought I was playing SL the right way.

Enjoy!

PS Marked as a question because I ask one."

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/General-Discussions/Confessions-and-apologies-of-a-serial-SL-heartbreaker/m-p/492885/highlight/true#M239184

Moni's Men (Part II)

The next set of questions I would ask Moni if I were to continue the interview would be of no surprise to anyone what has read the "That's What She Said" blog or gV thread.  There's a wide variety of people and purposes in fantasyland and you have to qualify your prospects and set realistic and appropriate expectations.

So, Moni...

1.  How do you like your cybersex?  Pure text?  ParaRP?  Text and poseballs?  Poseballs and voice?  Second Life only or move to Skype voice and vid?  Exchange real-life pics and information?  Potential for real-life meeting?  Straight vanilla or kinky fetish fantasy?

2.  Are you age verified?  Are you gender verified?

3.  How do you like you relationships?  Second Life only or carryover to real life?  Visions of virtual weddings in your head or visions of real life romance?

4.  What do you do in Second Life?  Dance?  Hang out in 80s, blue or trance clubs?  Go to live music concerts?  Play cops and robbers?  Bloodlines?  Shoot stuff?  Build?  Design?  Sell?  Volunteer?  Take classes?  Human avatar or furry or vampire or demon or dolly or what?

5.  Do you speak any other languages (other than English)?  Are you open to other cultures and patient with people practicing English as their second language?

6.  Do you have an appealing profile that avoids the clichés and pitfalls of virtual worlds and online dating?  Does your profile indicate what you want?

7.  Do you use the SL tools of chat logs and note tabs effectively?

8.  Are you an immersionist or an augmentationist?  Are you an extrovert or introvert?  Which tribes are you associated with?

9.  How about the Bartle Test?  Are you an achiever, explorer, socializer or killer?  A friend, griefer, hacker, networker, opportunist, planner, politician or scientist?

10.  Who and what are you in Second Life and what do you do?

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/What-s-wrong-with-men/td-p/988201/highlight/false
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/08/whats-wrong-with-men.html
http://slcreativity.org/wiki/index.php?title=Augmentation_vs_Immersion
http://www.rletc.com/showthread.php?2554-Augmentationist-or-Immersionist
http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2008/02/self-and-second.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartle_Test
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/attached-committed-free-clear-or-in.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/fear-of-other-text-vs-voice.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/virtual-world-tribes.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/sales-cycle-of-cybersex-probing.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/sales-cycle-of-cybersex-opener.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/read-your-audience-play-to-room.html
http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/2011/06/pro-tip-little-black-books-profile.html
http://generalleehere.blogspot.com

What's Wrong With Men?

Moni Duettmann asks, "What's wrong with men?"

"I am close to celebrating my fifth SL birthday soon and I consider myself an open, intelligent, friendly and good-looking person (well, someone else should make that last statement, I know! :-)), but believe me: in all those 5 years I have never met a man who seriously had tried to seduce me. I'm not talking about weirdos jumping into the scene and offering instant f.... I mean decent, romantic, witty, nice, but determined approaches with a goal - to get me laid, or perhaps to start a relationship. Mostly men seem to be content with hearing (reading) themselves talk or, in the vast majority, they don't even try to talk to me, or tge conversations ends after 2 and a half sentences. When interested I always try to steer the conversation into the desired sweet sexy romantic direction, but the men don't seem to "get it". Are they too shy? Are they not interested? Am I not explicit enough (but where is romanticism)? I have been approached by women several times and out of curiosity and lack of men even started a few relationships. But still... I don't get it... Isn't SL the Eldorado for virtual sex? But where is it? Where are the lady killers?"

Well, ya know something like that would tempt a tl;dr style wall o'text from me.

Lee said:

"Fun post.  You got a lot of responses already and I had multiple responses pop into my head too just reading your OP.

First off, I see you say you want either sex or a relationship.  I think your first-mentioned goal, which appears to be a witty, adult, sexy, romantic, fun seduction for sex is a completely understandable one.  It's also a very, very tall, but not impossible order.

Your second-mentioned goal appears to be a witty, adult, sexy, romantic, fun seduction for a relationship.  Also a tall, but not impossible order, although this one is even more complicated.

So breaking it down:

Yes

Seduced for romantic sex

Seduced for relationship

Decent, romantic, witty, nice, confident, skilled, determined, assertive

Good listeners

Lady killers

Sometimes women

No

Wanna**bleep**er sex

Base down-and-dirty quickies

Weirdos

Transmit-only talkers

Shy, insecure, undecided, noncommital

A couple of the things you don't say, though vital to this discussion in a virtual environment is...

First off, what level of importance do you give to the real-life status of the men in Second Life?  I say this because in my experience, which is not some all-encompassing truth, many men in Second Life, particularly mature ones who have some game, have a real-life wife or girlfriend and a Second Life wife or girlfriend and a bunch of Second Life friends with benefits and places they go trawling for snacks and quickies or some combination thereof, and many of the men who are decent, romantic, witty, nice, confident, skilled, determined, assertive or some combination thereof, are often men with, at a minimum, a real-life wife.  So I don't know if the man's real-life relationship status is an issue for you or not.

Also, considering how very, very tall your order is, you don't really say a whole lot about what you are doing.  Where do you go?  Where are you looking?  What do you do?

I have met some men who were seductive, men who might have appealed to you.  Which is actually ironic, because I tend to go into Second Life for one of two things and in one of two mindsets.  1.  Wanna**bleep**er sex.  2.  Sexless fun with friends or on my own exploring.  I don't go into Second Life for wine and dine romance and potential relationships.  

That said, I do end up meeting seductive, charming men who want one or the other or both (romantic sex and romantic relationships) and try to slow me down and get my mind of a dirty quickie or off the exploration of another sim for a blog post.

Here's where I have met the seductive men who can hold a good conversation and make a move.

1.  Lar's Place.  It's a bar for older men and young women, but it got so popular (older men are like diamonds and catnip in SL) that younger men started going there because that's where all the women were.

2.  Third-party SL and virtual world forums like gV, SC MKII, SLU, RLetc, Utherforums, etc.  I've met some charming and articulate and funny men on forums and the friendship has carried over into SL inworld (and sometimes the real world).  

3.  Voice clubs.  (I know that one is sticky, because voice is controversial and not for everyone, but this is a list of where I have met men who are anywhere near like your description and this is where and how I met many of them.  I met one particularly charming man because he was telling stories and jokes in voice and I could hear him and "got him" and I  shot him some funny and appreciative IMs and the next thing I knew he'd swept me off my feet and we were ballroom dancing and I was swooning.)

4.  Introductions from friends.  I also return the favor.

5.  A furry bar.  (I was there as a curious human initially.  Total fish out of water, but open and curious.  I return because there are some nice and intelligent people there.  Many of the furry men I've met tend to favor a kind of old world solicitous affectation that can be quite charming.  My apologies to any furries who might be offended by that description.)

6.  One of the most charming men I've ever met in Second Life (dancing, conversation, dedictated a song to me, serenaded me) I met by accident when I wandered into a BDSM club in the middle of a mall.

7.  Sex sims.  Yeah, sometimes the charming and intelligent guys go there for quickies and you strike a conversation and then next thing you know you've been talking for two hours.

8.  Dance clubs.  Sweethearts Jazz, Bogarts, New York Ballroom, places like that. 

I have found that my own journey, if you will, in Second Life has been one of trial-and-error and distillation.  I know what I want and I am a student of how to get it and I'm pretty good at it now.  But it can be quite a bit of work.

I've actually posted and blogged a lot about my experience as a cybersexer in Second Life and the Utherverse.  If you're at all curious, check it out here:  http://whatleesaid.blogspot.com/.

After five years, I would think you either need to give it up (the two goals) or make some serious changes.  But then I guess that's why you started this thread.

Good luck.

And if some guy IMs you out of the blue and says he's a friend of Lee...say hello and be nice to him, will ya?   "

I actually have more to say on this subject.  No surprise there, eh?  But I'll say it later.  I will leave this teaser. I think Moni could benefit from the old sales cycle and maybe some color training too. 

Links:
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/What-s-wrong-with-men/td-p/988201/highlight/false
http://community.secondlife.com/t5/Lifestyles-and-Relationships/What-s-wrong-with-men/m-p/990189#M4844

ETA:

Moni Duettmann said:

"I have to thank everyone for many interesting and insightful answers. Although you don't know me, you have given me enough to think about for a good while. I understand that there is something in the content that has something to do with myself personally. Of course! But the phenomenon I am referring to rather has to do with the flirt approach of my fellow citizens in SL - I think... I don't understand some replies that draw a connection to RL. I am looking for flirts in SL, not RL. And of course all the specifications that count for anything else in SL, count for the romantic part too. I can separate RL and SL easily.

Maybe I have to explain. For me the Second Life experience gets much better with a romantic background. It makes me feel good all the time and makes me want to log in again. I love the playful side of it. How serious it can get depends on the person you do it with. I think RL should be full of love too, but we all know how reality is most of the time for most of the people. In SL romance should sort of be the base of the game, at least that's what I think and expect. Why refrain from it, when you can have it? I know how to spend my time, my life in SL isn't empty at all, I build and script and meet people for all kinds of common activities, but I miss a love that takes care of me. And that's why I often feel like a flower nobody wants to pick. I believe, if men knew what women really want, they would dare much more!"